hi ive just googled my question ..

My dad's just been told he's 4 months to live he's got liver cancer and prostate cancer I don't know what to do or say...

And I came across this website so here I am...

Hello everyone, my dad's just for over months radiotherapy to stop the advance of prostate cancer now today he went to the consultant after weeks of tests he's now 3 large tumours on his liver he's been told hes a 40% chance surviving the operation to try remove tumours and most his liver away or 4 months about to live...

I am devestated I cried in his arms with my big dad crying too I don't have any words to say, nothing is coming out of my mouth I'm just crying.

I've just got over a breakdown in a mental care home myself and on medication I feel so numb what do I do,

I've days, weeks maybe to get stronger in my mental state to be there for my 4 children to help them through loosing their grandad were all so close, the kids my elder ones all in their 20;s now have been told but Ive a little girl aged just 8 she dosnt know we are not tellin her till we really need to, what do I do and say to her to be there for her when the sad time comes.

Hi kmc1970

Welcome to Cancer Chat and sorry about your dad.

We have some information here about talking to children which might be helpful to you.

As jules54 says, you could also call our nurses for advice.

You can contact the team on freephone: 0808 800 4040 from Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

Best wishes

Jane

Hello Becca,

So sorry to hear about your Dad, he is pain free now and at peace.  

Welcome to the forum it will definitely help you. 

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I know exactly how you feel.  I am 23 and my Mum was 52 years old, healthy, never smoked, took care of herself and I lost her last month. Four months ago she was out doing 3/4 dog walks a day. She was diagnosed with oesophageal junction cancer on 1st May and passed away on 14th July. I also got married bang in the middle of that on 12th June 2015. 

I know how awful it is hearing you beloved parent has been diagnosed with such a horrendous thing. Let alone losing them. I was with my Mum when we found out it was suspected cancer, unfortunately a few days later the cancer nurse told my mum when she was on her own that it was terminal.

The strength for me, came out of nowhere. Don't think about it to much. It will just happen. I was so strong for my mum in the beginning, I don't know how I did it. I just wanted to make her feel safe, and I did. She would always  say, ' I am glad you are with me Jan you make me feel so safe.' I genuinely believe she was going to get through it. I was just positive for her the whole way through most of it. I thought it was ridiculous that anyone can tell you when you are going to die. 

My mum was my bestfriend, she called me her soulmate. We were so close, I use to think ' if anything ever happens to my mum I just won't be able to cope'. But I had no choice but to hold myself together around her and get on with it. 

Just like your Dad it was unbelievable to rate my Mum lost weight. She must have lost another stone just in the week I was away on honeymoon. She was tiny at my wedding. In the end I reckon she must have been 4/5 stone. My mum had 5 litres drained from her lung all in all. 

Just take each day as it comes. In the end my mum went into a hospice as well. Those palliative care nurses are absolute angels! Absolutely amazing, amazing people. My mum liked the hospice,  she said she felt safe there. They were bang onto of her syringe driver aswell, making sure she was comfortable to the end. 

Even though we were expecting it, it was still such a shock when she went. It was awful. Now a month on the feeling of loss is becoming unbearable. Another thing that upsets me, is my mum was so excited for grandchildren. My sister and I haven't had children yet. I was thinking in a few years time. I just cannot believe that has been taken away from her. It is awful, my lovely mum, she would have been an awesome grandmother.

Becca,  just keep going, you can get through this.

If you have any other questions,  don't hesitate to message me. 

Sending love and strength,

All the best,

Janna 

Hi, 

I came across this forum as I too am totally struggling with my dad's diagnosis. My Dad told us of his stage 4 cancer diagnosis (prostate and bone) back in summer 2012. At that time I was devasted - he was given just 9 - 12 months to live but, thankfully he's still with us. 

Recently however, it's become apparent that his condition is deteriorating, he's experiencing more fatigue and whilst he doesn't say too much about it, he's experiencing pain. 

Over the weekend, I organised a family gathering to celebrate his birthday - it was wonderful. My dad was so, so happy but had to struggle through with the pain and fatigue. Looking back at the pictures however, it really hit me how much his appearance has changed because of the sickness. The thing is, I just love my dad so, so much. He's an amazing person with the best heart and I can't cope with the fact that he is suffering and getting worse and that he may not be here much longer. It breaks my heart to think about my son, niece and nephew losing their grand-dad as they love him so much and always want to and enjoy spending time with him. I just can't bear the thought of him suffering or the thought of losing him and really sruggling to cope.

Hi becca x

So sorry is all I can say this isn't much use as I know how you feel husband has terminal cancer found out mid June absolutely devastated x your doing everything you can and that's the main thing  being there is about all we can do x we have four kid's 18 16 14 girls there my step daughters then our son who is 6 we are in a similar situation Kevin my husband was diagnosed mid June with inoperable mouth cancer which has spread to his brain no treatment jist pain relief the worst situation in the world to watch someone you love so deeply become ill so fast no words will ever take away the pain of what we are all experiencing it different way xx

Try and stay strong 

Hello all, 

I'm here too becuase of my dad and just looking for somewhere to vent, i've hardly been at work recently becuase of how I'm coping. 

My dad has secondary liver cancer, which is on unknown primary, he found out a few months ago and ws unable to start treatment, becuase mentally he was unfit to deal with it and 2 weeks ago he was told he only has till Xmas and they wont be doing any Chemo

then last week went back into hospital, and over about the space of 4 days has gone from talking, but very weak and hardly being able to walk but still able to do stuff for himself - and now is barely able to walk without help and is barely able to talk eat or drink himself. 

I'm thinking its the end, and have taken another few days off work to get my head round it all. Its hard to go and see him as he is a 2 hour drive away (and I dont drive, neither does my partner, having to rely on lifts from people when they are free) and my son is 7 and in school. And its also hard as I dont know what to say or do, as he is not communicating back. They are hoping to move him to a hospice, we hhope close to the rest of the family who live near me, as where he is now he doesnt have many people around him and was living in poor conditions, and none of us can have him at home due to space.

i feel very lost. 

Hi all, I too just want somewhere to talk!

My dad has just been told that he 90% has cancer, subject to biopsy. He has had a really sore chest  for some tome, worsening recently. When he visited me in April he complained about the pain but thought it was just muscular. Anyway the long and short of it is he has a mass on his sternum, they did a scan, found lesions on his kidneys and more masses on his spine. They as i say are pretty sure its renal cancer, secondary presentation in tshsgowing in the sternum and spine. Apologies if i am not saying this right, at 36 i was delighted (sounds awful) but i have had no direct experience with cancer so i am new to  all the jargon! He is being now transferred to a renal oncologist, it was a lung oncologist that spoe to him last night saying he was sure it was cancer. So i am right at the beginnig of this journey and i can honestly say i wish i wasn't! I never before appreciated the deep ache of sadness i am feeling for him of course but also for myself.      

You see i am a daddy's girl, even when i met my husband who i love dearly, we have 5 yeR old twins, my dad in some ways s                                                                                                                           

Hi There I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad, it is one of the hardest things for all family members when someone you love is terminally ill. I am in a very similar position. My Dad lives on his own has done since we lost our Mum 25 years ago. He has always been an active man, playing both indoor and outdoor bowls. Back in January this year my husband, children and I took our Dad out for a lovely family New Years meal together. We all noticed that he seemed a little uncomfortable eating and then to our surprise just when we were about to eat dessert my Dad had to attempt to rush to the toilet to be sick, this was the start of a possible symptom that we now believe, he was keeping to himself for some time! Then during the coming months other things started to appear, he lost weight, became unbalanced to the point that once or twice he fell. His Doctor sent my Dad for a routine blood test and it showed that he was anaemic, which could account for being unbalanced but not the weight loss, so they decided to act on this and referred him to a Gastroenterologist. I went along with my Dad. They instructed a CT Scan , Colonoscopy &  Endoscopy. He had the Endoscopy with biopsies taken and the results given on the day saying that my Dad had a Polyup which they took a biopsy of. The results came through within a couple of days. We were asked to go back to the hospital to speak with the consultant who confirmed that  my Dads Polyup was in fact a cancerous tumour in the stomach with secondary cancer of the pancreas at an advanced stage. There was no operation that they could perform because it would be extremely dangerous and they said that it would be advisable not to have chemotherapy or radiotherapy because the side effects would make him very ill and for the remaining time that my Dad has with us, the Dr said that it would make his quality of life very poor. The diagnosis was given to us in August and it has been and continues to be very hard. The poorly my Dad becomes the less he will communicate and as his Daughter all you want to do is help him, but he shuts down. My heart, thoughts & prayers are with you and try to be strong, it is the hardest thing to cope with but you will find some inner strength I am sure. Debsyx

Hi becca. I recently lost my Dad to cancer. He had 6 weeks after he was diagnosed and just 2 hours at home after unfortunately having to go back into hospital during his illness. I hope you have managed to find peace now.  Everything is so raw for us now, I can only hope over time the pain dissipates for us, as I hope it has  for you and your family. Xxx