Good Morning Ian,

How are you doing at the moment hun? Been thinking of you.

hugs

Annabel.

Hi Jules,

Been in court all day so only just got to see messages.

I am so glad you had a good day out with your friend.  You should book another one in with her for after X-mass: so it's in the diary.

I have finally crossed the present threshold, albeit cheating really!  I remembered last year Deb realising, as she became bed bound and unable to get out, that we could get some presents by from 'air miles' we had accumulated.  So we used most of them up on presents: it seemed sense as we were no longer going to be able to use them together.  And although I don't use that card so much now, in checking, I found I still had 12,000 or so points left.  So I have used them to exchange for two small hampers ~ that's two aunts cared for or possibly my mother-law (?)

Now, now though: I believe you can always teach an old dog a new trick.  As Debbie believed: there are always more solutions than problems.  Its just a matter of finding the right one!

Lots of supportive thoughts going your way.

Hugs

Ian x

Good Evening (now) Annabel,

It's good to hear from you.  As you can see from my post above I have been busy today ~ which is always good.

I am going through a better period this week so far.  Better than the last couple when I seem to see things more 'darkly'.  As you know, this bereavement is a bit of a roller coaster of an experience.  One minute you think you are through the trauma of it all only to find - the next minute - that you are struggling emotionally to cope with anything much at all.  But I'm good today.

What I was going to ask you Annabel was whether you sometimes/ever have dreams with Ian in them?  I very rarely remember having dreams at all, but have had two recently when I awoke, quite believing them to be true, and Debbie had been in them, quite normally, with me ~ as it use to be before cancer came.  I was heartened by each experience and not upset - if a little disappointed - once I'd remembered she was gone and not beside me!  Yet they were quite strange experiences to have had!

Hope you are going through a better spell too..

Lots virtual hugs and kisses

Ian xx

Hi All

In trying to edit out an unnecessary post at the start of this thread I seem to have lost my entry on what happened after Debbie died - sorry.

In brief it explained how Deb had decided her organ doner card was not helpful enough when she could only donate her corneas and so in the last weeks of her life decided to body donate to science in stead.  This meant we didn't have a funeral as such but much later on I held a memorial event for her.  I can explain further if any one who missed the original entry wants more (?)

Ian x

Hi Jules,

Have a great weekend and birthday party!!

I'm off to help my son whose moving flat in London ... So I'll be gainfully occupied for the weekend.  Jacks going for a sleep-over in a new venue, with three other dogs he knows but has not stayed with before, so fingers crossed!

Speak later.

Big hug

Ian xx

Thanks Ian, certainly have plenty to keep us occupied this weekend - no bad thing!!  Hope the move goes smoothly and am sure when you return to pick up Jack he will have made 'new friends' and sounds like he will be in experienced hands

.Enjoyed my evening out last night though no win but the socialising means a lot.  Any interesting reads at the book club last night?

Am off soon to hairdressers (his first appointment of the day) and then have to source a helium balloon for our grandson before we visit friends  after lunch.  Take care of yourself and hope to chat again soon.  hugs Jules x 

Hi Ian,

Sorry it's taken me a few days to reply, like you have been a bit busy, now with things not to do with the business. Gla dyou have been busy, as you say it's a good thing.

The roller coaster ride of loss or grieving is traumatising, and as you have recently stated is a coping mechanism, in other words we can only deal with it in small bites. I am glad to hear you re having some good days Ian.

You asked me about my dreaming Ian, but I think you have got me mixed up with Lorraine as her late husband was (and still is) called Ian.Interesting that you had these 2 dream experiences, it goes to show how our minds are still ticking over when we are asleep. I am glad you were not upset about the dreams. Sometimes dreams can leave a larger than life feeling behind.

Today I am having a clear out of the home, trying to give stuff away for  local church who will be having a sale next weekend when the Christmas farmers market is on in that village.Just hope I don't go and buy something back that I have given(done that before!!!!!!!!!!).

Off to do a bit more then Ian, have a good day,

Jugs   How appropiate!!!!! I mean HUGS

Annabel. xx

Hi Jules,

Sounds as if your weekend was a bumper one.  Mine was much the same.  I spent a lot of it in ikea (yuk!) helping my son purchase essentials for the new flat they had moved into in Barnes.  His wife was working managing an PR event that entailed breaking the record for the number of people dressed in festive jumpers - all in one place!  Why I hear you asking? and I don't know!  That's publicity I guess (it costs 7 grand, apparently, to have it authenticated!).

Jack had a great weekend too, integrated well and was happy when I collected him.  I have more options for X-mass now and must decide... this is all good as its keeping me occupied.

Hugs and kind thoughts

Ian xx

Hi Annabel,

Yes, oops sorry, yes I must have got all confused with a message to Lorraine who I was also meaning to write to ~ just shows what a week I must have been having!  ... ( Sorry Lorraine too !  -  I hope you picked up on it?)

Your clearance sounds a bit like the raffles we hold for our twinning association.  Ten-to-one the item you donate ~ to finally be rid of ~ you are left to win back on the day with the last ticket drawn!!   Happened twice over the years to me.

Feeling a little more positive today.  Guess I'm on an up for the moment?  I suppose the key to this is trying to remember what you have learnt about coping as you go along and build on it ~ however hard and disrespectful this may feel at times.  I saw my son (Tomas) over the weekend and typically for chaps it seemed too difficult for us to address our loss in any detail apart from the odd side comments and quick singular reference to: 'still struggling a bit at times.'  But he does have particular difficulties with dealing with loss that go back to his childhood which doesn't help for him ....

Anyway a busy week ahead: so head down.

Lots of kind thoughts,

Ian xx