Hi haff1,

Although I have been using the site for a few months now I have only just read your story and I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are.  Despite your great loss and grief you seem to be finding positives in your life and doing the best you can to move forward as hard as that is.  I read how your wife donated her body to medical science and I want to say how wonderful I think that is.  My eldest son is has just started training to be a doctor (the only career he has every wanted), and it is so vitally important that we have people such as your wife who can help the medical profession move forward in their discoveries and hopefully oneday find a cure for this terrible disease.  Having lost both my parents very quickly to cancer within 5 months of each other I am now on the journey of trying to adjust to a differrent life.  The grief journey is indeed a strange one, whilst one minute I may be fine the next I am in tears.  It often feels like I will never be really happy again but I am trying to take on board everybody's experiences here and move forward as that is what my parents would have wanted.  Wishing you all the best.  Hope x

Thank you Hope,

You brought a tear to my eye: its funny how some things can....  Yes my wife was so amazingly strong and positive in the face of what was the worst possible scenario anyone can imagine. I still find it hard to take in nearly 9 months on how incredibly brave and rationale she remained right up to the end.

Now, I do feel I am able to make only steps forward yet the occasional overwhelming grief is still ever present, hidden in the shadows...

Lots of kindness to you

Ian x

Hi Jules,

Hope Thursday went well for the fishing?  Today's horrible here...... back to the early months of this year that seemed to be in mourning with me!

Big hug

Ian x

Morning Ian

Yep, the weather is dismal here too and I feel like a caged lion. Well hubby seemed to enjoy the day sitting on the lake bank with our son and his mate. The two boys each caught A FISH! hubby did not even manage 1!!!  Still it certainly got him out for a whole day and he probably enjoyed male company for a change.

I have been busy at work and staffing is going to be an issue next week as we have a couple on holiday and last week two went sick so no doubt extra pressure tomorrow to get more Christmas moves done.  I am waiting to take my last week's owed annual leave to give our daughter a hand when the new edition arrives (just a couple of days past due date now) but so far no news.

Expect you still have to take the dog for walks even when the weather not so good but suspect not quite so enjoyable!

Looks like another day in front of either the tv (grand prix/touring car championships) or housework - NO CONTEST really.  Had the ironing done before hubby surfaced at 9.30 and he is now sitting by the fire with the the neighbours cat for company.  TV 1, conversation 0.  May put on the rainy weather gear and take myself for a walk anyway!

Have a good week and take care. hugs by return. Jules x

Hi Ian,

Hope you don't mind me posting, but I just wanted you to know that I'm following Debbie's post surgical recovery tips and finding them very helpful indeed!

I'm managing to be up and dressed by 11 o'clock and some days, even manage to put a bit of makeup on! As per Debbie's advice!

Visitors have been fended off until I've felt ready to receive them and I've limited it to one 'visitation'  per day or every other day!

Thank you again for sharing Debbie's wise words!

Kind regards, Jo xx

Dearest Jo,

Thank you for the feedback.  It is not possible to know who is reading Debbies notes, only that some people are.  I am so glad they are helpful and it brings tears to my eyes to know this.  It is what she would have wished.  I really hope more than anything your troubles will be significantly removed by the surgery you have had and my thoughts and love go directly to your heart....

Ian xx

Hi Jules,

Yes, my dog does get me out.  He was on ITV, on Sunday last, on Fool Britannia. He was called 'Slipper for the clip' and didn't do what was asked of him.  They did it in two takes as he likes agility and on the first take he immediately went through the tunnel he was supposed not to!!  I had a bad weekend though: 1. the boiler (heating and hot water) sprung a leak, then: 2. My camper developed a nasty noise on one of wheels!, then: 3. My freezer froze completely up and I had to become an ice goblin to sort it out !..

Anyway, now its Tuesday and all is sorted . But today, whilst it's sunny - which is good -  I feel a little bit lost and on my own, very much on my own, in this New World, and today I don't like it!

Kind thoughts

Ian

Hi Ian

They do say things come in threes and it sounds like you got them all together at the weekend and am sure though being perfectly able to get things sorted, its that much harder with no one to moan to about it.  Glad you were to get things going and hope too that by posting on the forum you can 'find yourself' again soon.  The grieving process seems to take many turns before you can adapt to that new life so many people refer to. Sending kind thoughts your way. Jules xx

Hi Ian

Seems a few of us are burning the night oil judging by the timing of your post.  Everything seems so much more magnified during the quietness of darkness.  Just too much thinking time and despite all the conversations I have in  my head there are no real answers, just more questions. Sometimes life is just so unfair but we do eventually seem to cope with what is dealt us.  Am thinking of you battling on and hope today will bring a little more peace your way.  Do take care, virtual hugs. Jules x