Hi Ian

We too have the rain. Am sure you will enjoy the occasion but suspect you may be eating indoors!  What a shame that our summer has not arrived for the celebrations

. Life in general takes on a whole new meaning when living with a death by cancer diagnosis. We do not have a timescale and my hubby has just lost all interest in what life he has as he 'lived to work' and that is now severely restricted.  He manages the odd day here and there (very lucky we have wonderful support from his employer) but can no longer do the very physical side of being an engineer and is basically now a consultant and does a bit from home but its not the same of course.  He always said he never wanted to retire (he is 62) and I can now see why!!

When first diagnosed Feb 2012 he wanted to know all the ins and out and now wishes he hadn't asked. His words then were 'I want life to be normal as possible' but nothing about our life is normal any more.  Its very sad.

Regards, Jules

Oh Jules,

I know where you are and cry a tear for you xx.

My wife said she would happily die now ... 6 months before she did .... directly she realised that the person she had always been had become compromised beyond help.  But I was lucky, she was positive and looked for solutions  -  even to unsolvable problems - and did really make the best of what limited capability she began to have.  We can only be sure on living once, so however grim the prognosis, Debbie always looked for the small positives about 'existing' and enjoyed in them.  We did people and places as much as we could and had fun (even with the elephant in the room)!

xxx

Thanks so much for your reply Ian. Its a great help just knowing people on this forum understand. Julesxx

Coping with cancer is about coping with sadness (in as positive a way one can).  It is also, so it seems, about accepting that there was 'a time' and 'a place' for 'us' and that 'that time and place' has now/ or will soon be 'gone'.  It's tough, very sad and very tough but part the process....

You write so well how you think/feel. Its very refreshing. Thank you.

Just to let you know we had 3 month check up and a 'pain management chat' with hubby's team today.  His weight and general health is stable but like me that picked up on his low feelings because he can no longer work (at least he told them ).  Anyway he has reluctantly agreed to see a therapist to see if they can get  him motivated to enjoy the best of what life has to offer whilst he can. Appointment to come through soon and we go back in two months to see if any of this helps.  Jules

Hi Jules

Thanks for the update.

That sounds all very positive... really.  At least your hubby is accepting the need to address the issues now which is a step in the right direction.  As a matter of interest, has he looked at all at my late wifes notes?  He might be able to associate with the page on Tips on living with cancer?  Its not his fault his body is not functioning properly.  He inside there has to re identify and find himself within the constraints he now has and look forward to what he can do in the moment.  He mustn't look back or forward but stay in the now and what joy can be found ....I know easier said than done but this is still 'His Time' however limiting..

Best wishes and kind thoughts

Ian x

Thank you so much for sharing Debbie's thoughts these are amazing words and so very postive they are such an inspiration and uplifting. Her experience has really aided me, I shall read this whenever I feel low.

Hi Feather, Thank you for letting me know.  Lots of love

Ian

...I just didn't know missing you would hurt so much.....but it does... We had a 'time' and a 'place' for 'us' but I have had to come to realise that it is a 'time' and a 'place' that is now 'gone' and wont be coming back!  Debbie tried to understand dying by writing about it (see first post)  and now, ironically, I am writing to try and understand my living with out her.