Hi,

I've never written on one of these chat things before, but im hoping just writing down my feelings might help me.

On the 25th of June my lovely mum passed away. She had lung and breast cancer and quite a lot of blood clots. It was her 59th birthday on the day she died. The fact it was her birthday makes things worse It was all quite sudden, we only found out she had cancer a few weeks earlier, so I wasnt really prepared.

Im 24 and still live with my mum and dad. I used to speak to my mum everyday and we were usually together. I feel so completely lost. I wander around the house and garden just looking for things (i dont even know what) or signs from her. I light candles in the garden every night for her and spend most of my time in the garden because then i feel close to her.I chat to her all the time.

In December last year my little nephew also died . Everyone tells me that my mum has gone to look after him but it just makes me so jealous and sad because I want my mum back.

I went back to work yesterday and although it helps in a way because it keeps my mind busy, I feel guilty and worry that my mum will think i dont miss her . Or i worry that people will think that i'm not even bothered that shes gone, when actually my heart is broken.

thank you to anyone for listening.

x x x