Hi

I am so sorry for your loss and i can feel your pain. When my mum died over 7 years now i thought my life was over nothing seemed to matter.I too found myself chatting to her and also i felt like i had mislaid somethig but i just didnt know what does that make sense. I just couldnt explain what i was feeling so i can understand where you are coming from totally. Your mum will know that you are still thinking of her and you will never forget her.I know its early days but i have a picture of my mum and each day i talk to her or send her a kiss whatever i feel like really. I am also new to this chat room and it really does help to get all those pent up feelings out as we all deal with things in our own way. What i found hard was people crossing the road for fear of hurting me i just wanted some one to chat to or just say hello anything.I am a lot older than you i was 43 when my mum died. But dont ever feel alone there is always somebody on here willing to chat to you. Someone impartial or just someone share your pain. I hope this helps in some way. Take Care

                                                                             Collette xxxx

Hi

I am so sorry to hear about your mum.

It must be such a shock and not quite feel real. I try to find things to be positive about and even though I know you didnt have much time to prepare at least your mum didnt suffer for too long. I hope that doesnt sound wrong to say that but it is terrible to see someone you love suffer over a long period of time when the prognosis is terminal. That doesnt help you with your pain I know and not having your mum

it is very poignant that your mum died on her birthday,

Your mum is only gone a few weeks everything you are going through is normal sounding to me. When my Dad passed away it felt like I was always waiting for something, strange, trying to pass time with this feeling of waiting for something, hard to explain. The first time I posted on here was actally from work Dad was gone 5 weeks and I was at work acting normal where inside I was overwhelmed with lots of different feelings sadness guilt confusion devestation really.As a dear friend Tony RIP said to me what you are feeling is grief plain and simple. So I understand what you say when you feel that by getting back to normal you are on the outside looking like you are getting on with things wheras on the inside you just are so sad and cant stop thinking bout them.I had some really dark days but found this site a life saver people are so kind and it really does help to know other people understand what you are going through and can offer kind words. I still come on here quite a lot, but dont post as much as I used to

Its 9 months on and I still think of Dad really lots of times throughout the day. Some days are not too bad and other days it will hit you like a steam roller. I have found a little peace in the fact that I feel my Dad is always with me. I can hear his voice or see his face in my mind any time i want. I think its really lovely that you light candles for your mum and if thats where you feel close to her then continue to do as you have been,

There is going to be a big gap in your life where your mum was, Be kind to yourself. I hope you have family and good friends you can talk to. honestly and openly.

You and your family have been through a lot losing your little nephew and now your mum.

People say things trying to be kind but can sometimes end up being more hurtful,  One lady said to me it was a happy day my Dad passed away and I went into a meltdown I know she meant he wasnt in pain any more but I just cant see how it could be called a happy day.

Please keep comig on here, you sound like a very brave and balanced young lady Im sure your mum is very pround of you and she will always be with you in your heart and in your mind

Geri

xx

Hi Lucy

I'm glad you have already received a warm welcome from those here who understand what you are going through. I'm also sending you a page from our cancer information website on coping with grief. I hope it will ease some of your concerns about how you are feeling.

Best wishes

Jane

Hello,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. It really means so much to know im not alone. You are all very kind.

My mum's ashes have come home today (i want her to stay at home with me for a while and then she will be buried next to my nephew) and i honestly dont know how i feel. I cried when her ashes arrived and then sat and cuddled the box for a while and then just sat with her. I feel odly better knowing that she is back at home with me and my dad, but at the same time it seems so unreal to think that her body doesnt really exist anymore.It seems so cruel that she has lived her life and now shes just in that little wooden box. Both me and my dad still dont really think its real. Because she had been in hospital for a few weeks before she left us, it doesnt seem wrong that she is not at home, so i dont think either of us really believe she is gone.

I've been gardening again today, in between all the rain. My dad says when it rains it might be my mum trying to help look after the garden. I like that thought.

Does anyone else feel guilty when they are not crying? I cry alot for my mum, but when I've cried myself out i end up feeling guilty, as though im not grieving for her enough. I havent been able to see my friends and i havent been able to go to my boyfriend's house because i feel that if i do anything "normal" im disrespecting my mum. I feel bad enough about going to work.

Thank you so much for your support and i'm really sorry for your losses as well.

Lucy x

Hi Juicy Lucy,

I always read the posts on this site, but never really write anything myself, but on reading yours I wanted to reply. Your post made me cry, because you seem to be feeling similar to me.

I lost my mum, 55 yrs, on the 31 march this year, the day after my birthday. I am devastated and heart broken. Me and mum are very close, being a single parent family with no brothers or sisters we did everything together and I would see her everyday. Just before Xmas last year mum had pain in her hip, doctors told us it was ciatica(no good at spelling!) , by end of jan this correctly diagnosed as lung cancer and secondary bone cancer. We were absolutely shocked, it always happened to someone else! Another blow came when doctors sat us down and told mum she had a year to live! Devastated isn't the word! But we stuck together and mum was determined to beat this, her main aims were to see me get married and have children, her dream. I just so happened that at Xmas, just before mum was told about cancer, I got engaged! That was it! Within days I had my dream dress and venue for the 29th June this year, mum was so happy, mum helped me pick everything.

After mums diagnosis, she spent a couple of weeks in hospital just to get used to the medication. We were then sent home with a carrier bag full of tablets. But mum was happy to be home in her cosy little house that she loved. It was hard, mum was now in a wheel chair, needed oxygen 24/7, and had to have a bed downstairs. I went off work and started living with mum. We coped, went on walks, had a laugh and a giggle. But mum got tired easy. So much so that she had to back into hospital 'just for tests' the doctors told us, she never came home.

I think she held on so that she didn't leave me on my birthday, mum was the one who made birthdays special, l got spoilt rotten every year! It happened so fast, no one really knew what was happening. I sat with mum for hours, just watching her 'sleep' , she looked so peaceful. After that I couldn't really cry, I don't know why, I felt numb, in a daze. I kept busy organising the funeral, the church my mum had dreamed of me getting married in, flowers very similar to what we had chosen together for the wedding. The church was packed. I cried on that day, but only during he service.

I have now returned to work, and obviously didnt go through with the wedding. ' getting back to normal' , I hate it when people say that, how can things ever be normal??? Everyone has got on with their lives, I'm such a mess! I ont show it though, I can only cry when I'm on my own, and last thing every night as I fall asleep thinking of my wonderful mum.

Its so wierd, it doesn't feel like she has gone, but at the same time I know she has. I cannot go to her house, I really need to go and sort it out, but just walk in expecting mum to be there. I go to mums grave all the time. I think of mum from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep. During a day at work, while having a laugh and a joke il forget, then something will happen, and I will stop dead, this sense of dread, I will feel sick the whole think will hit me like a brick, taking my breath away.

I also feel the same as you, feeling guilty, but I also think mum wouldn't want me to stop my life. This just shows that life is short, it can be taken away so quickly. I try and be happy that I had mum, but then I feel mad because she has been taken, why my mum? I feel angry, selfish, empty, pathetic, lost, but think this is all 'normal' in this situation. I try and think that I have got to fit so much into my life now, to make up for mums short life, as I know she is with me every step f the way!

I'm sorry if I've babbled on and proberly didnt make much sense, needed to get a few things off my chest as don't speak to anyone about all of this, it's too hard at the moment. Now I need to sort my make up out as I have mascara all over my face from crying writing this, and go out ther and  'act normal' !

Xx

Feeling very lost today  

our mums are our best frineds   im sorry to hear about your mum  lucy  im sending you huge hugs   i know how you feel as i love my mumvery much and she has been given so long  it willbe heart breaking when she goes to heaven and its nice to see what lovly people are on here who listion we all listion to each other  which is lovly  xx

Hello Lucy ,Now a good few months have passed how are you coping ? My dad has cancer,just had xmas and wondering if it was our last one with my mum and dad both here ! mums 80 dads 83

regards lee

Hi lucy

now a little time has passed do you feel a little better ?

I lost my mum in april 2014 (17 months ago) and things are a little easier,i think of her every day but if i think about her when she was ill it upsets me alot,

I was very close to mum she died of asbestosis a rare cancer with no cure,she actually got this cancer by washing my dads overalls when he worked for brithsh rail years ago and he worked with asbestos !

hope your feeling a little better