Hi Lorraine,

It's good to hearr you''re still packing plenty of fun into your lives.  My husband is still in bed (10.45am) and I need him to get up soon so i can start sorting out our suitcases! Having grown up with a mother who would start packing 10 days before a holiday so all your favourite clothes were out of circulation i dothe opposite.  I do think I need to try and learn from the way you two are handling things though..  Husband is now 2 weeks post-chemo, and we'll get 5 weeks in England and then an appointment the week after that. I hope we can forget the cancer for as much of the time as possible,  Expat x

elkay  huge hugs to you xx

Hi Lorraine, I'm so very sorry to hear your sad sad news.  We wanted desperately to keep my hubby at home but when the hospice suggested a 24 hour break to try and get his meds right I think we did the right thing, of course he never did come home again, but the hospice made us feel like home from home and we could do almost anything we wanted to.  Looking back I am glad my hubby was in the hospice at the end, we spoke for the last time on the Friday night (of course we did not know that wouldbe the last time) and he died on the Tuesday at midday, I will not tell you what we went through for those last 3-4 days because everyone I'm sure goes through different stages and have different drugs etc., that affect them, but if my hubby had been at home during those last few days myself and my daughter would never of managed, the hospice was at a lost as to how to help him and it wasn't until the Monday evening that they finally were able to calm him down and then he just mainly slept until he passed away.  I'm sure he knew that we were there as he clutched hold of my arm and would not let it go, his eyes opened from time to time but the main thing was he seemed to be at peace at long last and not really aware of what was happening to him, and although it may sound awful I was so relieved as he did not seem to be in pain or anything but because he couldn't tell us what he was feeling I was just so glad that he appeared to be resting and at peace.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that everyone reacts different, we were never told or warned of what to expect and we were totally shocked and horrified if I am honest, but even when he went into the hospice the reality of what was happening just didnt seem real, it was only 19 days between being told he was ill and terminal to when he died and I just couldnt accept or believe that this was really happening.

Just take each day and deal with it then, try not to dwell on it too much, enjoy every second that you can.  I still cant fully believe that he has gone, and often I come home and just expect him to be there, but Lorraine remember all the good and happy times that you have shared and try to stay strong for yourself.

My thoughts are with you both and I send big hugs to both of you xx

Hi Lorraine,

I haven't beenposting much on here recently... hope all is well with you and Ian.  I've asked the moderators to give me the facility to get e-mails so if you want to pm me then please go ahead.  Warm wishes, Expat xx

Hi expat

Haven't been about on the site much myself lately with business partnership hassles especially getting in the way.  I hope your trip "home" is going well and you are getting all the things done you want to. 

Ian's cancer has tested KRAS-negative and so the non-Govt funded Erbitux may work.  We met the oncologist last Wednesday (weirdly Ian has been welcomed back into the hospital system to monitor his health now another treatment is being considered) and we've asked him for an accurate price to help with budgeting but Ian is adamant he wants to try two months.  Richard will do a CT scan then to see if Erbitux has made any difference and we will review things then.  I was comforted to see on one website that Erbitux by itself has relatively few side effects - it's when it's administered as a cocktail with chemo that there are significant side effects.  We haven't got a start date yet and meantime I am attending a new initiative by the regional hospice for the next three Tuesday afternoons - a Carer's Workshop.  They are keen for my feedback - do they know what they are letting themselves in for - my verbal diaorrhea is legendary   Ian got steadily more well in the weeks after chemo ended.  He has what he calls discomfort requiring two paracetemol morning and night so that's not heavy duty pain relief by any means (but a scary sign of things to come).  I can judge his health/energy/state of mind by the amount of pottering about on the bathroom DIY - some days five minutes, some days an hour or two.  The hospice nurse has been surprised by Ian's recovery from the effects of chemo and says he could well still be alive in 12 months time.  The oncologist was even more forthcoming last Wednesday - he said after the two month CT he will know much more.... 

I hope the bowel problems on your way home got sorted and you have both had some happy times on your holiday.  I will investigate the PM business (I'm not the brightest little techno-type) and I'd love to keep in touch - thank you for asking me

All the best for now

Lorraine

Hello elkay,

If you want PM to exchange private messages with expat, just let us know here or drop us an email as explained here and one of us mods will wave a magic wand!

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lorraine, sorry I haven't been posting on the site much lately but I have been following your's and Ian's progress.  I am glad he is feeling less ill now that the chemo is leaving his system and that the new drug is having a positive effect.  I think about you often and feel guilty that I am not here more often for you, life just seems to have a way of flying by and suddenly it's next month, if you know what i mean!

I laughed at you comment about expressing your opinions, or verbal diarrhoea at the hospice - they will probably find it a refreshing change to have someone who isnt afraid to let them know just what is what!

We are plodding along at present, hubby still OK with the Chemo although we never have two treatments the same - one treatment he is tired and feeling low, next one a fortnight later he is well and feeling no effects and the next fortnight he has diarrhoea and insomnia, never know what's its going to be like!  Beelzebub is still around and because of 'him' I have had to remove the bathroom carpet and replace it with cushion flooring - I wont go in to the reasons why suffice to say that 4am isn't a good time to be washing walls and carpets!!

Look after yourself.

XX

Nice to hear from you Lyn.  Oh dear, that Beelzebub's got a lot to answer for!!  I do understand about the days flying by - we could never understand why our elderly customers would be under time-pressure to have their cars serviced or repaired - anxious to have them back because they had so much on their plates.  We thought to ourselves, what???  You've got all day to fill in - what's the rush??  Now we too are "retired" and each day flashes by and things don't get done - some trivial (vacuuming), some important (GST/VAT returns).

Ian's good-ish health is purely down to lack of chemo in his system.  The new drug has only been under discussion with lots of messing about with delays in sending away the sample of Ian's stored cancer tumor slice for testing (what a gruesome storage cabinet that must be!!),  then waiting to see the doctor to discuss the drug (again), then a delay for an appointment for the "base line" CT scan (now received for the 28th August) and waiting for the doctor to set a date for the first IV after that.  I shut out thoughts about what the cancer is getting up to while everyone fluffs about

And your hubby's varying side-effects sure are keeping you on your toes - your coping strategies are being tested to the limit, as indeed Hubby's must be.  Keep your eyes on the end result though   You've probably seen that Newbie/Russ' wife is now in remission and may remain so for up to five years.  You go for it too - you must all beat Ian's great record!!!

I've had a late start to the day - up with insommnia and no drugs to blame.  Our 50% business partners tried to push me out of my bookkeeping role in the business at the beginning of this month and I have just spent 3 days checking and correcting all her bookkeeping errors so the GST/VAT return was correct.  They are pressing us again to sell out our 50% in the business Ian and I created from nothing in 1991.  We took them into the business 11 years ago.  The wife didn't last long because her office skills were "zip, zero, narda" and the husband has floated happily along on our coat-tails letting us manage the business while he collected 50% of the profits.  In February when the last-ditch public chemo started and we were told there would be little remission, they spotted an opportunity they said they would buy us out (but, duuuhhhh,  they didn't know how much they were offering!!)  Ian was adamant then that he didn't want to sell - he felt the cancer would have won if he had to give up his successful business.  But six months on their greed has resurfaced and at the suggestion of the hospice nurse, I am protecting Ian from the stress as much as I can - and back into Insommnia Mode because we usually share worries like that and it's hard to shoulder stuff alone

So it's time to shower and dress and drive 30mls to have a nice lunch together.  Then I'll go to the hospice course and Ian has manfully volunteered to do the grocery shop - yikes - I guess the boot of the car will be full of cheese and wine (for Ian) and catfood (for the big cat and her crazy apprentices).

Expat99 suggested she and I do the PM message thingy.  Are you up for it as well to catch up now and then - in between us all dashing about trying to catch our tails hahahaha - ooops, spending too much time with Krazy Kittens!!

Lorraine 

Hi Lorraine,

At las I am able to catch up with your posts - problems with messaging on Cancer Chat. I will not write too much in case the same things happen. Pleased to read that Ian is good-ish but the delay in new treatment must be an anxious time for you also the business side of things.

I too would like to pm you - if that is acceptable then we need to ask the moderators to fix it. Good wishes to you both. Rodis.

Hello Rodis

We are not long back home from our day out - me at a Carers' Toolbox Course at the hospice - Ian shopping for men's stuff at a DIY store

Now we are having a couple of Chardonnays (New Zealand of course!!) in front of the fire with our four fur babies alternately plonked around us, then hooning about

That would be lovely, Rodis, to PM you too - I'm sure the moderators will sort that for us

Lorraine