Hello. I'm new here. Just came across this while reading about cancer. I read you post and I can so relate right now, even though I don't know how to feel at the moment. Here's the story....my mother had breast cancer about 10 years ago, apparently it has spread. I'm not sure of the details as she herself hasn't told me anything. I'm gathering bits and pieces from my aunt, last time my dad just said she's dying. I don't know what is going on with her. All I know is that she's definitely incurable. So she will die just when is the question. Last time I saw her we went to the store and she was bending and seemed to be in pain when doing so. I didn't mention anything just observed. Just yesterday she called my daughter and told her she is going to the hospital today because shes yellow. What does all this mean?? Please, I know, I'm not asking for a dr, just from your experiences. Things you might know. I love forums like this. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I am confused right now in every possible aspect, from my feelings to what is going in with my mother.

Just got back from the hospital - I'm sooo angry - my mother has secondary bone cancer (primary was breast cancer), she's had countless surgeries/ spinal framework/hip replacements/ breast surgery too many to count. Today her eyelid has dropped (ptosis), I take her to a and e in the hope it's a side affect from the never ending drug supply she's takes. Firstly we are told by out of hours gp - don't worry rule out a brain, she'd have more symptoms to the medical doctor to then come in and discuss after doing Some neuro obs with his students (who he failed to ask if they could come in and failed to introduce hisself (hello my name campaign clearly not working) to then carry on explaining to his students that in med terms the cancer has clearly now spread to the brain) I cannot believe this is how you would allow a family to find out this news via telling your students. I'm not ready to let my mum go - I want her to see me graduate get married meet my kids - but mainly I just want to hear her voice down the phone when I need her. I feel like my world is blowing up!

Dearest Coupip - firstly I want to express my huge sympathy to you for the news you received today. It must have been very hard news to take. I had the same news back in October when my Mum (who also had secondary breast cancer in her bones) was told that it had spread to her brain. In our case it was diagnosed via a scan, before her eyes started to be affected and there were any visual signs that there was anything wrong. To say that the news came like a bolt from the blue was an understatement as she had been doing incredibly well with treatment for the past 5 years since the diagnosis of secondary cancer in 2011. We left the hospital feeling that our world was falling away from underneath us. I am 33 and I completely emphasise with what you say about needing her around for grandchildren, graduation etc. I have a boyfriend but I'm not married and I don't have children, the injustice that I was being told she wouldn't be around to experience those things with me really cut the deepest. It is difficult to know what to say, even having been through the experience. If I could offer advice it would be to talk about everything as a family, don't keep anything bottled up and don't feel like you have to be brave. Crying is ok, whether that is in front of your Mum, or like me mainly in bed at night. Also take offers of any support you receive and I am sure there will be lots. Friends, family, partners will want to help, and let them. Even something simple like the offer of a drink/coffee and the chance to unload on someone else, or if someone wants to make the family food will be a welcome break. There is nothing good about what has happened. I tried to find the positives, and there were few and far between. The only thing which you should cherish is that you have had the opportunity to prepare. Spend time with your Mum, as much as you think you need to. I don't know what the prognosis is in your case, but regardless time will be limited and you won't get it back. However, you will also need time on your own and it is important to look after yourself, or you won't be any help to your Mum or your family if you're run into the ground emotionally. I chose to carry on working during the months my Mum was poorly, but I took Fridays and Mondays off work and spent weekends at home. My younger sister chose to be signed off work to look after Mum, and had her breaks at the weekend. What was right for us won't be right for everything and it will depend on where your Mum is, home/hospital etc. You know your relationship with your Mum better than anyone and you are best placed to judge what you should do. Don't feel pressurised by anyone else. I am not sure what stage of life you're at, you mention graduating? Consider what you want to do regarding University if you're still there - the University will be supportive and lectures will always be there if you need time off. The best advice I received was, randomly, from my GP when I had a breakdown during a routine appointment for the pill. I'm not sure what brought it on but I chose to spill my heart out to her and she was fantastic. She told me to tell my Mum anything I wanted to tell her as soon as I felt comfortable as opposed to waiting, because with a condition like our Mums' things can happen very quickly. I felt very awkward about having this sort of discussion with Mum as whilst we were incredibly close we were never the "lovey" types of mother/daughter and so talking to her in that way made me really anxious. However, I am SO pleased I did. Everyone will have different things to say but, "thank you" and "I love you" are good places to start. The next few months will be incredibly hard. There is no getting away from that. It will be a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days you will think you're on top of it all, that you need to be practical and that you're coping, other days you may not want to bother getting up/dressed. Some days I just cried on and off all day. But... it will get easier, you will come to terms with the fact that you are losing her and you have the opportunity to show how much you care and love her. My Mum wanted to be at home for her last few months and my Dad, Sister and I shared her care between it. It was bloody gruelling but, and whether your Mum is at home or not, you have the opportunity to give back and that is something that not everyone has the chance to do. My Mum eventually died on 2 January and we had her funeral on Tuesday. it is still horrendously sad sometimes. Yet I can sit here writing this and not be in floods of tears. I still cry, and it will still be hard, but I hope the message of this post is that YOU WILL GET THROUGH it and things will get better, even though I know things will feel hopeless now. When I was in your position in October I took a lot of comfort from these message boards. No-one can change the news you've had but I hope so much that you are comforted in some way from knowing that you're not alone and people are going through the same, and those who have been through the same are still here, and still functioning. Sending you so much love, and to your Mum. X