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My mum is dying, I don't want her to die.

Jessicax
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I'm 19 years old, and my mum is lying in her hospital bed with not long left to live. I am so angry and upset, I don't believe that there is nothing left for the doctors to do. She has had cancer for 6 years, as far as I know it started in her breast and gradually spread throughout the rest of her body and in her bones. She's been very ill for a while but I didn't realise quite the extent until she was taken into hospital. Mainly because I live with my boyfriend and had work, so I am deeply regretting that I never spent enough time with her. Her calcium was low which was the reason she was taken into hospital, but because the drug they were giving her was trying to get the calcium back to normal it made the cancer in her liver worse. She was supposed to be having chemotherapy again but she caught a cough and didnt have enough white blood cells to overcome it. I can't bare the thought of my mum not being here anymore, Im still her little girl and I need her. I have 1 sister and 2 brothers but they are much stronger than me at this. I'm scared that my dad will have a break down when mum dies and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with everything when I'm grieving myself. I keep thinking of her things and who's going to have them? I don't want anyone on my mums laptop or wearing her clothes. I'm also thinking about the dog, she's not going to have a chance to say bye and he too will never get to see her again. It's not fair. I have never been to a funeral before and don't know what to expect. I have nothing black to wear either. My mum can barely keep her eyes open and they are yellow, I try not to cry when I'm with her but it's so difficult. I feel like she doesn't love me because she doesn't cuddle me or tell me everything will be okay. I know I'm being selfish and silly because of course she loves me. I don't want my mum to die, I keep crying all the time. I don't know what to do with myself. I love my mum so much, I just didn't think it would happen so quickly, just 2 weeks ago she could manage to walk, even if she was struggling.

  • Offline in reply to uncertain

    Hi, my mum has been fighting secondary breast cancer to her bones, lungs and liver for the past 2 years. the chemotherapy that her wonderful oncologist gave her these 2 years, and enabled us to make some very treasured memories. Up until about 4 weeks ago things were going fairly well, my sister and me took her out for the evening, she was tired but looked lovely and enjoyed the night. Two weeks after that we were told that her scan results were like looking at another persons results from the last scan. Things had gone bad and the chemo has stopped working. We've been told there's no further treatment and my mum and us are devastated. In two weeks she's gone from a fairly upbeat vibrant woman to a thin, tired and traumatised shadow of her former self. We don't want to lose her but the thing we are struggling with the most is the mental torture she us going through. How do we cope, what can we expect, how long has she got left? Apparently she's jaunduced in her eyes, her Weight loss incredible over just two weeks. She can hardly walk, she barely go's to the loo but she's 100% lucid. We want to make her last weeks special but don't want to plan the wrong things in the wrong order if that makes sense. Can anyone help us understand what we can expect? 

  • Offline in reply to emmajoanne

    Hi.  I've just been reading these posts and noticed yours was so recent.  My mum is going through a similar thing to you. How is your mum doing now?

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    Hi I'm 32 I love my mum with all my heart !!! She has breast cancer so she had Chemo, radiotherapy and an op and seemed OK. But now she is often struggling to breathe... She smokes maybe 30 fags a day so maybe now she has contracting lung disease I dunno. I have 3 kids and a fiancé I keep going out drinking to try and forget that my mum won't be here soon. It's not the answer but I can't cope I'm so sad it makes me feel sick to think of it . I have so much responsibility with my kids I never have a second to myself unless I go out at night but then I end up drinking. I feel under pressure I need my mum 

  • Offline in reply to Jessicax
    Hi Jessicax I'm currently going through the same thing. My mum is lying in a hospital bed dying of ovarian cancer. I'm exactly the same as you, crying a lot but feel guilty when I do smile. It's really hard. I don't want her to die, my mum has always been my rock, the person who fixes everything. I don't know how long she's got left but feel so useless cos there's noting I can do. Reading your post gave me some small comfort that it's not just me going through this horrible heartbreaking time. I totally understand where you're coming from and my heart goes out to you cos I know exactly how you feel. I'm scared, sad, angry all at the same time. If u ever need to get your feelings out then I'm here. I know we don't know each other but I hope I can be of some comfort. Take care of yourself, much love, Jim xx
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    Hi Jessicax, I don't know if you will ever see this but I just read your post and it's so so like the same situ as me. Even things like her not seeing her dog etc. My Mums in hospital and she nearly 'went' today but they managed to stabilise her. I've come home for some rest but she's not long to go. I'm so so sad and feel just the same as you... Anyway I hope you are doing OK as this post was 4 years ago....I hope you found your strength for her...that's all I'm gonna have to do. It's so so hard and feels impossible to face. It's like it's not real. Thank you for sharing your feelings back then they have helped me a little bit. ️
  • Offline in reply to jimrow79

    Jim, I am not sure if you noticed but my post was written in 2012. I am now 23 and I have mourned the death of my mum and continue to do so. I am sorry for not replying sooner, I hope you have found comfort knowing your mum is now pain free and I hope you are doing ok. X

  • Offline in reply to goldiefish

    Hi goldefish, I had a email through to say someone replied to my post and I couldn't ignore your message. Firstly I am so sorry you are going through this, I remember all to well the pain me and my family went through. Please try and find comfort in the fact that you will be ok, and your mum will be at peace and no longer in pain. I understand how difficult it is and how upset you must feel right now as well as angry and even a little lost or even numb, I am sure you will also feel as though things will never get better but I promise they will, and you will be ok. It won't be over night and you may feel like something is missing in your life, but your mum will always be a part of you and although she may not be there in the flesh she will be in other ways. Big hugs to you x

  • Offline in reply to Jessicax
    Hi Jessicax. Reading your last post is a great comfort to me. It is evidence that, however hopeless and bleak things seem now, they will get better. I'm 32 and my Mum has secondary breast cancer in her bones. She has been battling on for 3 years and, until recently seemed to be doing well. However, over the last 2 months things have changed completely. She is very frail, in pain and received some very negative news following her latest tests this afternoon. I feel often that people of my age fall between the gaps in relation to cancer support, not young enough to be classed as teens or children, not a partner and not a parent facing a child with cancer. I find the experience almost unbearably hard. On the one hand as adults we are expected to be strong and "cope" but whilst facing the loss of the one person who has always been there to look after you. I am in a long term relationship, but unmarried without children. I have the guilt of not having let my mum experience being a grandparent or mother of the bride, I worry about how my Dad will cope when she's gone and I cry all the time. Every time I think of her not being around I dissolve into tears and it is exhausting at work trying to keep it in. I have taken great comfort in reading the post here, even whilst I lie in bed crying. It is such comfort to know that people have managed to get through it all. Thank you very much to everyone xx
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    Hey, That really sucks. I can't say anything that is going to help, nothing helps. My son has brain cancer and I'm constantly thinking about what we won't we get to do together, how long we have with him, how destroyed his little sister will be without him. Anyway, if you want a stranger to talk to, rant at, share coping mechanisms with, feel free to chat to me. I know I could do with a stranger to open up to.... No matter how I try, or who with, I can't open up to family and friends. I don't know why, it just seems easier with strangers. Stay strong, or at least try. 

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    Hi I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. My mum also started off with breast cancer 12 years ago now and has slowly been spreading to her bones. Until recently anyway. It's now in all her bones and only a matter of time before it spreads to organs.  She can no longer walk. The onl y thing she can do for herself is eating and drinking and nd she doesn't eat much anyway.  Hope your mums as well as she can be. 

     

    Jenny

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