I know you aren't looking for anything from your post but I just wanted to say this....

Big Hugs to you all xxxxxx <3 xxxxxxx

You can't be strong all the time, you will cry, you shouldn't have to accept that this is the way it has to be. Life is cruel, your aunt is too young. Be angry at the world, it is allowed and I know I and many people I know wouldn't expect anything else. My grandad is 87 on Monday, and he is dying from cancer, it is a vile cruel disease, and although I have accepted that he is going to die, he is 87 on monday, he's had a bloody good long life, it still angers me that this disease has already taken away the gramp I know. We are left with a different version of the strong, proud man I had even as little as 6 months ago.

Be Angry, shout about it, and anyone tells you not to, tell them to do one. You are entitled to feel however you want.

Enjoy your time with your Aunt, and your family. Much love to you all

Hi NorthernKnown,

I'm so sorry that your Aunt is dying.

I know you aren't looking for support, but please feel free to rant on here whenever you feel the need.

Best wishes to you and your Aunt,

Renata

Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi NothernKnown,

You aren't a wimp and "toughen up" would be such a nonsense piece of advice that I don't think anyboy on this site would ever go near saying it.

It isn't fair. Really really really it isn't fair. There's no competition here, I've lost several friends to cancer and am now in the slow process of losing my wife. To be honest I "deserve" cancer (I'm a smoker, heavy drinker, lover of red meat) a little more than my wife (ex-smoker, moderate to heavy drinker, meat eater) a bit less than my mum (heavy smoker, vegetable avoider etc) and just off the scale when compared to my mother-in-law (non smoker, non drinker, healthy eater).

It simply isn't fair. These tiny little mutated cells don't care where they grow, in whose bodies, at what time, and all the reasons we know, that give them opportunities to develop, they are quite happy to ignore. Live a healthy lifestyle? Nah we can still cut through that. Take all the risks you already know are bad for you? Perhaps we'll leave you alone.

Good people get attacked, bad people stay well. People who have little enjoyhment in life carry on living miserably, people who adore life die. People who are loving and loved members of families, friendship groups, communities, are taken. Solitary unloved and unloving people carry on in their self-centred isolated lives. And so on.

That isn't fair. It isn't just. It isn't right. It is happening.

I get from your post that you're both angry and sad. Wat can I say? Yeah, me too. A great hole is about to be cut out of my life, several smaller holes have already  been cut out of my life, and I really don't know how I will be able to go on. Isn't that selfish? Somebody I love is dying and some of my thoughts and feelings are about ME and how I'm going to survive.

I guess you know that hardest parts are around watching somebody wondederful with reduced energy, with increased discomfort, with pain, with disability....  I'd like to be able to say that I would rather go through it myself than see my wife suffer it. I'd be lying. I would have, long ago, said "palliative care only please". I (of course I don't really know this because I haven't faced it) would choose to drift out of life on a haze of morphine and eventually heroine rather than face chemotherapy, radiotheraphy and surgery.

It just isn't fair.

One tiny thing I'd ask you to think about...... It's not advice because you're yourself and your mum is your mum and I've never met either of you. What I think you should think about is does it really  help your mum if you are consoling her and hiding your own tears?

Mums actually need to feel needed (some mums sometimes). They often find strength they didn't know they had when their children are in pain.

I once had to do some stupid presentation at a conference. I was giving it all my super-confident I can manage this face. My manager was realy nervous. l confessed to her that I was scared stiff. She immediately went into look after Russ mode and, funnily enough, lost all her worries about her own presentation.

I don't know, but maybe if you let your mum know how knocked-back you feel she will find strength both to offer you support AND get through it herself.

I'm really sorry about your Aunt. I'm really sorry about everybody else. It isn't fair.

The best wishes I can hope for you:

Newbie.

Thank you for all your kind words, they've helped more than you can imagine. It's good to know that I'm not alone in being angry.

I'm sorry if I was a bit rude and blunt last night, the whole situation just got the better of me. I'm so sorry to hear about your relatives,  and with all my heart I wish you all strength. This is such a horrible situation we are all in, but message boards like this really do help.

Thank you again, and I really do mean it.

x

NorthernKnown, you rant and rave as much as you want, no it's not bloody fair, we can fly to the flippin moon but we can't find a cure for Cancer.  My sister in law died of cancer in her late 40s and watching her kids at her funeral hardly able to stand for grief crippled me, my heart really goes out to you and your family, cry as many tears as you can cry, you're losing someone who has been a huge part of your life and you love her it's as simple as that.  Don't forget this forum, we all understand exactly how you feel because we're either there ourselves or losing or have lost loved ones.  Take a big hug from me  X