Valentine's Day isn't easy - I very unfairly felt cross at the fishmonger when I had bought nice fish - he said is it for a nice romantic Valentine's dinner? I have got so used to everybody I know and others knowing Helen died that it takes me a bit by surprise when people don't know ! Perhaps I should tattoo it on my forehead!

Oh well - just have to get on with things I guess - still lots of things to remember her by - eg I just had a slice of the christmas cake she made but never tasted - tastes nice but feels sad.

Hey Pet,

This is just one of the many "firsts" you will have to face, but you will get there.  Have you "chatted" to rubble yet?  (name's Barney) went through the same situation as you, wife was called Tracy.  just so you know you are not alone.

I'm sure the fishmonger will understand and I bet he could kick himself when he finds out.

But, if you want to chat, tell me more about the Christmas cake, was Helen a baker then?  The more I made the more I ate....but I do love a nice fruit cake.

Keep in touch pet, we are here when you need an ear (or a shoulder).  How are the girls doing?

S x

Thanks for the reply - just having a down day I think!

I am getting on Ok most of the time - it is just odd things that set the sadness off. The girls are managing really well - although Louise the  older one who has gone back to Uni is finding it a bit harder.

Helen was a good cook but not so much of a baker but always made the christmas fruit cake - even though we never used to get round to actually eating any at Christmas! She made a great fruitcake! We bth enjoyed food and cooking and being active - hill and dog walking etc.

Cheers Luke

Hi Luke,

I think you can be permitted the odd few down days without anyone pulling you up about it. And of course there will be things that you remember doing together which sets the old grey matter in gear....I'm sure things will get easier in time.

Right let's try and perk you up a bit then.........Louise the eldest, what uni does she go to and what's she studying?  My step-son has just graduated from Durham uni in economics and is now working in London on a  3 month placement - hopefully that might lead into a full time role.  my step-daughter is studying at Cambridge again economics.  we hope to have a wee trip down south to visit them both over the next few weeks.  I have 2 daughters both working, one for an industrial workwear company and the other in the other for a catering company.

What about your youngest, is she still at school?  Would that be 2 teenagers you have, don't envy you.  I was quite lucky with my girls and they weren't too "hormonal" - they had their moments.

What about the dog that you walk then?  Mine is a cocker spaniel, a wee old girl now who's getting a bit slow and is more likely to trip over a squirrel than actually chase one.

I've asked questions Luke but don't answer anything you're not comfortable with - I will never push.

Speak soon

S x

Susan

Thanks for the response - I feel better already!

Actually had a good evening met with one of Helens old friends from down south who we hadn't seen for years and had a good chat - helps a lot.

Louise is 19 and she is in 2nd  year doing medicine in Aberdeen, Kirsty is 17 and in her 6th year doing her advanced highers and she has got 2 unconditional offers so far to do Law and French either at Aberdeen or Strathclyde Unis. She has also just passed her driving test a week ago and is enjoying being able to drive to friends etc - although she is using Helen's suziki jimny which is not very cool!

They are both great girls and we have never had much problems with them - just a bit of occasional moodiness - we all get on pretty well - Helen was very proud of them.

It sounds like your family are all doing well with jobs and Uni

We have a brown and white border collie who was a stray and is scared of pretty much everything and has also got  degenerative night blindness so his sight is going - but that doesn't stop him running around madly even if he bangs into things (lamposts, people, trees etc.). he is useless at chasing anything and the other night actually tripped over a cat! Still he enjoys a good walk unless he gets really scared and pulls behind you all the way which can be a real pain in the ***!

You sound like you are in the North or Scotland some where - I'm in the Borders.

Luke

Thanks for that.

Met my boss today - going to start back at work next week.

Also arranging a diving holiday for the 3 of us in the Red Sea at Easter - something to look forward to. I also promised Helen I would take them on safari in Africa as we had planned to do that. helps to do something positive!

Hope the new carpet looks good.

Luke

Hi Luke,

Have just read your post and would like to know how things are. I see your post was Dec but I only came across it today.

Love Eileen xx

Hi

Good that you are trying to get back to some sense of normality by going back to work, that in itself can be an escape, it's nice when you have a "craic" with your workmates, I know it helped me.

A holiday sounds fab - only my big fear is open water, so the diving wouldn't be for me, although I'd love a safari - as long as there was toilets.  You can tell I'm really not a "rough" it kind of girl, sorry.  but it sound brill anyway.

Carpet fitter double booked, so it's going down on Friday now, we'll fit the cooker and sink in this weekend and that should be it ready for the eldest daughter to move in.  This we flat was my chemo project, it took my mind off what i was going through, I had my chemo one day then got back to ripping the flat apart the next day, a good way to vent my frustrations but just don't sand near me when I'm swinging a hammer!!

I'm off to turn in now.

Speak soon

S x

Hi Eileen

Not sure if you saw from the thread - Helen died on 21st Jan - so have had the funeral and all the main things that have to be sorted out are now done - so it is just time to get on with life have been chatting to Susan as was felling a bit down a couple of days  ago - could have done without Valentine's day! Starting back to work next week and organising an Easter diving trip to the Red Sea with my daughters.

Thanks for asking.

Luke