Hi Debs, I’m so sorry you are going through this. We are also in a similar situation, but with very different coping mechanisms. My partner is doing an excellent impression of an ostrich…. I’m all for meeting this and throwing everything we have at it because, well, we have a young family and the thought of them losing him at such a young age is destroying me. 
We have been to Maggies and I’m on the wait list to see a psychologist now since I posted to try and deal with it, and my partner is doing the same through his nhs system (although I hope it’s fast because of timescales!) 

I think that we want to spend as much quality time together as possible, so we definitely need to thrash this out, but I’ve been told it’s completely normal to feel this way. I think fear plays a huge part. 
I want to take back control of our lives. I don’t want to lose our relationship to cancer as well as everything else. A big part of my professional work is caring for people, so it’s very difficult to reconcile that I need help. I hope you can get the support you need to see you through this. 
bestest wishes. X