Cancer Research UK main site

Someone please help me: my mum is dying

Islandgirl876
Offline

I know. Dramatic right? So here's the rollercoaster

Im 29 years old, and life was perfect. I got my dream job, my mom was here with me after a stint in Jamaica, life was good.

But then my mom started walking funny. Long story short I called 111 and took her to a&e to see a doctor. He took her blood pressure and told me she was fine. She wasn't fine. She was falling over and clearly extremely dizzy. To see my GP only she didnt have one and no one would register her fast. So I took her to a private GP (God bless this man) he ran all her tests and sent us to the hospital asap. 

Did the scan, her brain is swollen and bleeding. It is a tumor, its not a tumor now its tumors and cancer everywhere. Terminal 3 to 12 months. But everything takes a million years. All this started in July and to this God forsaken day!!! No treatment! 

It took ages to get a diagnosis, no communication, letters sent to the wrong address, they called immigration! Sent a warning letter, knowing she was born British! (Technically) 

So anyway. Every appointment is just a chat. We have had 1 scan and an endoscopy since August maybe September time? They have decided on treatment. But every 2 weeks is another 2 weeks. Shes declining so fast. She cant walk anymore. Cant bathe. Doesnt eat. She shakes. Totally just sleeps. Shes dying. And shes suffering.

The doctor last time asked me 'oh so how is treatment going. I wanted to flip the table. He was on his phone texting the whole time. He didnt even know we haven't started.

Someone please help me. I cant just let this happen. There's so much more to it but I am just so tired.

  • Offline

    Hi Islandgirl876, 

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your story. What a rollercoaster it has been for you and how awful that it all happened when life was going so well for you, your dream job, your mum by your side. It's so sad that your world was suddenly shattered when your mum started to have these strange symptoms. You did well to take her to see that GP immediately and it's great that he ran all these tests and that she got to have a scan at the hospital but what a shock it must have been to find out that she was terminal. 

    It took such a long time to get a diagnosis and I can't believe you had to also face all these communication issues - how stressful it must have all been for you. Things seem to be painfully slow too and I hope that they can start the treatment soon as she seems to be declining really fast and it's so sad that she is now unable to walk, bathe or eat and that she is suffering. It must be heart-breaking for you to watch and I can imagine that the feeling of powerlessness is immense. 

    I hope that you have some good support around you so that you don't have to look after your mum alone. The information we have on our website on caring for the carer when someone is dying mentions the different ways of getting help and support and it's important that you also find a bit of time to look after yourself and take some time out or it can all become overwhelming and exhausting. It might be worth also getting in touch with Carers UK for information and support. 

    If you wanted to talk things through with someone, don't hesitate to get in touch with our cancer nurses on this free number 0808 800 4040 - their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

    I also hope that you will hear from other members of our community who have also been in a similar situation having to look after a loved one who is very poorly with cancer. It helps sometimes to talk to others who truly understand what you are currently going through. 

    We're thinking of you and your mum during this difficult time and I hope that she will be able to benefit from treatment soon.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.