Hi sunflower

You are a really caring and loving daughter youve done all the right things for your mother. You have enough emotional stress in your life without having to worry about what your colleagues might think. You have hardly been faking your time off with compassionate leave. Now that leave has run out and you need to return to work and feel you want to, now might be the time to do it especially if you have social anxiety. Hope you can find peace of mind whatever you can decide on.

Ed

Hello Sunflower,

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. I'm pretty much in the exact same situation as you and I know how gut wrenching it is. I could've written this post myself. 

I'm almost 35 so not much older than you and my Mum just turned 57. She's been in the hospice for 3 weeks now with a 2 night stint in hospital Monday just gone. I'm struggling so much mentally with work right now and have used up all my sick allowance back in Feb-March for stress. My mum's definitely deteriorating however we never even thought she'd be here at this point. We was told she'd be lucky to see Christmas, this was last year but here we are at the end of May. The changes are definitely happening fast now and I spoke to the hospice nurse today and said for the purpose of work and knowing what to do, what are we looking at. She said she thinks weeks at this stage. I was like weeks like 3 or 4, or 8?'. Cos weeks can still be months in my opinion and I could afford to take say a month off unpaid and that's it but if it was to continue for months I just can't afford it and like you I'm so conscious of what work might be thinking of me at this point in terms of being dramatic etc because it's been going on for so long. Like I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone but it's refreshing to know I'm not alone. Anyway all the nurse could say is that it's impossible to say which I get. Life would be so much easier if we had a crystal ball. She did say she doesn't think it's months at this stage. 

So like you, I haven't a clue what to do. I'm just so exhausted from it all. 

Hey, I’m so sorry to hear this, it really is like hell.

 It’s nice to hear that you’re not alone although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’ve reflected a lot this week and decided to go back with the understanding that I may need to go off again at short notice. Luckily my work are understanding but there is a limit of course…

You’re not alone though and I totally sympathise with your situation. 

I'm really glad your work have been understanding, it's really needed at a time like this. My work have been great too so far but I constantly worry I'm one more crisis away from them sacking me. I'm definitely a worrier though. They've reassured me numerous times and yet I still worry. 

I hope work goes ok and you feel better for it :) 

Thank you same to you. It’s such a hard time that I think we need to remember the strain that’s on us as the close loved ones/care givers.

I always feel like I’m not doing enough or being strange when I communicate with my mom. The truth is I’m just so sad about the whole thing and wish it wasn’t happening.

I’m sure it’s the same for you and I think the fact we’re even commenting on here and researching shows how much we do care. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes! 
Wishing you all the best and peace for your family.