Hello Rockymorris,

                              hard to know what l could say to you so its not too difficult to understand why you are struggling to pin down all your rampant emotions, trying to do that in the depths of the night with the mind racing is a horrible lonely place to be.Just writing to say l hear your pain and that someone is out there listening,

David

Hi Rocky

Im in the same situation as you. With cutaneous SCC that has now metastasised to bones and lung. I had major surgery to head neck saliva glands lymph nodes plus radiotherapy 10 years ago with some minor surgeries since then. Ive been fairly healthy until SCC started to be active again 9 months ago. Im currently receiving palĺiative care with cemiplimab immunotherapy and denosumab to help prvent further bone fractures. Im not angry or scared but like you but I am sad and mad my mental health is not good I sleep poorly with demons in the middle of the night. I find keeping busy is beneficial and physical excercise some days just a walk. I still do some work each day to keep some semblence of normality. The thing I am finding really hard to do is tying up all the loose ends of my life and making practical preparations like funeral, will, power of attorney, financial decisions etc. All whilst thinking through a thick fog. I hope you can find your own ways of dealing with this awful disease. There are lots of people here to suggest ideas for coping including the nurses. So keep in touch.

Ed

I'm so sorry for us both..yes lots of things to sort out.hadnt really thought about it as I only just found out..I'm 56, not that it matters. 

Thankyou for your advice and the reply..will pray  for us both and everyone else in this forum.

Thankyou so much for your reply, it helps more than you know. 

HI Rocky

Yes 56 years young does matter to find out your prognosis. Nobody at the hospital has mentioned the word terminal. Simply that the cancer cannot be cured. Radiotherapy cannot be used a second time on the primary site and now in bones is poor prognosis. Im making the most of what quality life I have left. The immunotherapy has made a big difference with minimal side effects. I know this wont last forever and the treatment will stop working or be discontinued at some point. Thank you for your prayers I am not a religious person but it is said that "all pray on a sinking ship" and I find myself praying for the plight of others. Ill keep you a fellow survivor in my prayers.

Ed

They told me it was no longer curative and when I asked for a timeline they said a year without treatment and possibly 2 with treatment although it's very difficult judge..I start 2 different chemo treatments next Friday. 

I'll fight with all I've got and I'm usually a positive person I'm just finding it hard at the moment. 

I think I'm more worried about my partner, he's totally useless without me..he's old school, likes being taken care of although he's been my rock and has never missed an appointment or any radiation treatments. 

He's by my side through everything bless him, but I fear for him after I'm gone.