Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Mazza although I'm very sorry to hear about your dad.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must have been to contend with such complex thoughts and emotions when you were celebrating your birthdays but I hope writing things down has helped somewhat.

So many of our members know how upsetting and heart-breaking it can be to experience anticipatory grief like this, so you are not alone Mazza, and hopefully you will receive some support and advice from them soon.

If you feel unable to open up to your partner just yet, you're very welcome to give our cancer nurses a call. They are available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m and they will do all they can to support you at this time.

Be kind to yourself Mazza and remember that we will always be here for you.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator