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Riles1061
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Hi All, 

My mom has been living with cancer for many years but lately she has been declining physically and mentally fairly quickly over the last two months. Yesterday she called to tell me she is starting to say good bye as she is done and she just wants to die. She has suffered for over 10 years and part of me understands. Equally I also know that dying isn't that 'easy'. 

They did a new PET Scan and it shows her cancer has metastasized into lung and liver. Does anyone have experience with prognosis? There is no further treatment.

Do I encourage her to come home for palliative care? My dad has started the process of potentially taking her to Dignitas in Switzerland however that is not a short process. I just want to make sure she is as loved and comfortable as possible. 

Thank you!

R x

  • Hi Riles

    I am so sorry that your mum has started to deteriorate.  You are asking about bringing her home for palliative care.  Does she live on her own abroad or is your father with her over there?  Do you know your mums wishes regarding where she spends her final days?

    My own mum died of secondary breast cancer, which had gone into liver, lungs and bones.  She died very quickly due to a lung infection, unfortunately she was in alot of pain from the cancer in her bones which wasnt very well controlled.  So it actually ended up being a blessing that she passed so quickly.

    However, not every cancer death is the same, my sister also died from secondary breast cancer, which had only spread to liver and lungs.  She was kept comfortable with good pain medication and just gradually got weaker and passed away very peacefully.

    It sounds like your mum has a strong spirit and its her body that is getting weaker.  It really needs to be her decision on how the next part of the journey goes, as children the most precious final gift that we can give our parents, is to support them with ensuring that as much as possible their final days go the way they wish.

    Talk to your mum and see what she really wants and base your decisions on that.

    You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

    Annie

  • Offline in reply to annie123

    Thank you Annie for your very kind words. 

    I am so sorry to hear about your Mum and Sister. 

    My mom has been in hospital since beginning of November due to issues with undiagnosed diabetes, low potassium and high cortisol. 

    I am struggling because my siblings are, understandably, in denial, my Dad is positive one day and negative and devastated the next which is also completely understandable. 

    My Moms mental capacity is fluctuating each day depending on how she feels and how her hormone levels are. I know for a fact that she does not want to stay in hospital and she does not want to go in a care home. She would either go home with my Dad or my sister. 

    I think I just feel helpless. I would like some clarification with the doctors but they seem to be talking in circles. 

    I'll be flying home as soon as I can and then maybe I can get some more clarity from her. 

    I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. 

    Rx 

  • in reply to Riles1061

    Hopefully when you are there in person you will be able to get a better idea from the doctors of the exact situation.  If it looks like your mum will be going with your dad or sister, try to make sure that a proper care package is in place before your mum is discharged from hospital.  The hospital should be doing a proper assessment of her physical needs (eg hospital bed, commode, walking frame etc), there should be a 'discharge coordinator' in charge of all that.  Getting support from carers once the patient has already been discharged is neigh on impossible, but if she is still ' bed blocking' in hospital they will be a lot more eager to get all the arrangements made, and get her home.

    I wish you well and hope you get some comfort from seeing her.

    Annie

    (all of the above is assuming that she is in hospital in the uk)

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