Cancer,eh! I've been exposed to loss through this medium so many times. My gran had it 3 times and beat it but it got her kn the 4th. My grandad on the other side of my family died during his first fight.
Yesterday, after a chance meeting with my estranged dad, I found out he was dying of prostate cancer. I felt and still feel overwhelmed and am in physical pain. I don't know what to do. I am so sad I can't stop crying. He has a bad heart and the cancer has also spread. He has had hormone therapy and is awaiting his 2nd round of radio therapy. When it was 1st discovered his prognosis was 3 to 5 years but not now.
When I saw him, I knew. Without words, he wasn't the same. A shadow of who I saw last time.
We had a breakdown in our relationship 20 years ago due to my dad's behaviours and he went to prison for violently attacking my mum after 18 years of not being together. This caused me PTSD. I made the decision to keep him away but once the anger and fear passed I was able to speak to him, if our paths crossed, remember good times, be civil but keep him at arms length. He has never been near my children, although they know who he is. Cardinal punishment I thought, to miss out on being a grandad, due to the choice you made that day but I need to keep my kids safe.
I love my dad. I am very much like my dad, minus that day in question. I am now feeling immense pain, guilt and uncertainty. I don't want him to die. I don't know what to do or how to be there for him and I don't know how il cope with the pain. But I do know I can't do nothing. He's my dad. I don't want him to be alone.
