Grandad hasn’t got long left

Hi I’m new here. We just found out today that my grandad has terminal cancer. It started in his lung and has now moved to his liver. They’ve said around 3-5months. He went in on Monday with stomach pain and doctors thought it was his Gallbladder until they did scans today. I seen him Monday morning and he was fine, how can this happen?! I have a 4yr old asking where her great grandad is as we see him nearly every day before she goes to school! I’m in pieces. And so worried for my grandma as apart from my dad and uncle and the grandkids she has no one else. He is her world. He can’t get Chemo because of his heath, he has respiratory and heart problems. He’s sleeping lots and eating next to nothing, should I be worried? Do we have less time than what we’ve been told? How do you cope saying goodbye to someone you’ve been so close to all your life? I got engaged last year, he was so excited for our wedding, we haven’t even started planning it yet and now he probably won’t be here for it. I’ve only ever lost my grandma on my mum’s side but it was so sudden. This feels worse, because I know the end is coming, I know he’s dying and in pain. I don’t know why I’ve wrote all this I just needed to get everything off my chest! 

  • Hello amyxo, 

    I hope it has helped you to write things down here and get things off your chest - this is what the forum is for and I just wanted you to know you are not alone and that many members of our community have also been in a similar position having to see a loved one terminally ill with cancer. It must be truly heart-breaking for you and also for your grandma who is so close to him. You've also just found out about this when you were expecting issues with his gallbladder so it must have come as a real shock to all of you. It's so sad too that he can't get chemotherapy treatment because of his health and it must make you all feel so powerless. It's hard to predict really how much time he might have and it's worrying that he is not eating much and is sleeping a lot - his consultant/specialist might be able to tell you more as to what to expect. 

    Congratulations on your engagement! I bet your grandad is very proud and excited for you and it must be really hard for you to know that he might not be there for the wedding. Seeing your grandad dying and in pain must be very hard and I hope that you can still grab a few moments here and there when you can spend quality time with him. 

    We're thinking of you during this difficult time amyxo and I will now let other members of our community come and say hello. It can really help to hear from others who've been through all this before and I hope that they will have some comforting words for you to help you get through the coming days and weeks. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hello Amy,

    Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your Grandad. 

    I recently lost my father - 9 days after he was given months to live.My dad also had cancer of the gallbladder which spread. His cancer was too advanced for chemo etc.

    My father became really tired, before losing his appetite but then he got an infection which derailed him really quickly. He then suffered a stroke because of some blood clots (which cancer can increase the risk of). 

    I was then told he was going to die within hours/days and that a palliative care team would be taking over.

    I don’t write this to scare you , but to let you know that there is some amazing help out there. The hospital palliative team used a syringe driver to give him morphine and a concoction of other meds to make him comfortable. Cancer is an evil, painful disease but modern treatments can make sure your granddad is really comfortable when it comes to his final days.

    If the worst happens and he deteriorates like my dad, don’t worry about work/other commitments- all of that will be there when you get back. Visit him as much as you can and just be there for him. 

    Hopefully you still have a good amount of time left with him-  make sure you enjoy it though. Talk about happy memories, look at happy photos and just enjoy being with him.

    and congratulations on the engagement!  Discuss your plans with him. Although he may not be involved in the actual day, I’m sure he will love getting excited about it with you.

    sending love xxx