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My mum's dying, Melanoma

alibabes
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Hi everyone,

My mum got diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma in March 22 in April we were  told it had spread to the Brain, liver and lungs. Since then its been a ******** She had radiation on the brain in May and had some immunotherapy but she has gone downhill so rapidly,  she got very sick and ended up in hospital , she was then put in a home for a few weeks respit,  then got phnumonia and back to hospital,  after that they were sending her home with carers 3 times a day. This lasted 48 hrs before she was admitted into hospital again, she could not look after herself and 3 time a day care wasn't enough, she was very confused and didn't really understand what was going on. she was in hospital for weeks before it was decided she'd have to go into a home fulltime. she has been in the home since November. unfortunately she is in a home in Ireland and I'm in the UK but we go over every 4 weeks or so. she's declining everyweek and has lost at least half her bodyweight, she's just skin and bone. Nobody can tell me how long this last or how long it's gonna take , it's like playing a waiting game , it's bloody horrific and heartbreaking. Her breathing is getting worse,  very noisy and crackley,  she's on nebuliser 4 times a day. she can hardly walk anymore and gets very confused , thankfully she doesn't really understand what's going on. I have no idea how long this is going to go on for , does anyone have any ideas? I'm they only family she has left so I'm trying to sort everything and hold it together. sorry for the long post but needed to get it out there.

warm hugs xxx 

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    Hello alibabes, 

    This is so sad I am so sorry to hear your mum is so poorly and dying from stage 4 melanoma. You must be feeling rather powerless with her being in Ireland and you in the UK. It's so nice of you to still make the effort to go and see her regularly especially if you are the only family member she's got left. It must be draining and exhausting for you though to have to travel and sort everything out. Seeing a loved one declining and losing weight must be so hard especially as a few weeks elapse before you see her again each time and it must be a bit of a shock every time to see her deterioration. 

    It's difficult to tell really how long this will go on for as it can be impossible to predict. Our website has an in-depth section on dying with cancer. It can be a harrowing read but it will give you some good resources and support as well as tell you more about what to expect on the last few weeks and days.  Marie Curie have a lot of helpful resources including a helpline where you can talk to a professional.

    We're thinking of you during what must be an emotionally and physically tiring time for you. 

    I will now let our community members who have sadly been in a similar position before come and say hello and share their story with you

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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