My mum is dying of cancer, I have a new baby and I don’t know how to live without her

Hello, I am 31 years old and I am caring for my mum who has cancer. 

Almost 5 years ago we got the horrible news that my had lung cancer and we thought the worst. However we got told that it was caught quickly and that she could have it removed. Before we knew it she had her surgery and we’re told it had good margins. What a relief.


Fast forward to a year later and we were told that she had something in her thyroid, tests confirmed it to be cancer and part of it was removed. Then it showed up in the other side of her thyroid so the whole organ was removed. 

Things were going well and my mum went for routine scans. We then found out her other lung had cancer so another surgery was needed. Each time my mum fought with everything and came back strong. Last year she had excruciating pain and we found cancer in her spleen which was causing the organ to fail, this was removed and her scans were clear. Lo and behold we got the all clear and we celebrated. We were told that follow up scans were needed just to make sure it stayed away. At the time I found out I was pregnant and we were overjoyed. What a perfect ray of hope for the whole family.

Last summer we got the heart breaking news that the cancer was back and it wasn’t just one lump, there were several. She had it in her stomach, lungs, kidney and glands. With surgery lot an option she got chemotherapy and it made her ill. So ill that she caught so many infections that hospitalised her. After 4 sessions we were told it wasn’t working. 

She had a choice, either try one last chemo or just manage symptoms with medication. She was told the chemo would be gruelling and that she would loose all her hair and she would have a hard time. She chose to fight and she did. She got two sessions and she struggled through it all with a smile on her face.

On Wednesday 14the February we got the worst news possible. The cancer was everywhere, it had entreated her brain and her bones and there is nothing that can be done. Nothing. 

I sat in the room with the doctor, the macmillan nurse, my new born son and my beautiful mother. My heart breaking. We were told we would hopefully get 2 months with her.

I am now caring for my mum knowing that everyday could be her last. I hold my 3 month old son in my arms now, with tears running down my face at the prospect of him not knowing or remembering his Granny. He is so pure and innocent lying here sleeping. Blissfully unaware of my heart shattering. 

How do I live without my mum? My mum who has been a single parent to my and my older brother. Who has always been there for me. Who has provided and advised me throughout my life. 

How am I supposed to continue with anything when the most important person in my life isn’t going to be here?

  • Welcome to the forum Lynn2 although I'm so sorry to read your post.

    Your mum has endured so much over the last 5 years and to be given this news must have been absolutely heart-breaking.

    I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through right now but our community are here for you Lynn and I'm sure it won't be long until some of our members stop by to offer you their support and advice.

    If you feel it may help to talk things through with one of our cancer nurses, they're available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

    We're thinking of you at this incredibly difficult time Lynn, and sending all our strength and support your way. 

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • I’m so sorry to read about your mum. I’ve just gone through this with my wonderful dad who was my bestest friend in the world and I also felt this dispair in the last few weeks but what I will say, and what people told me but I didn’t believe it - is you will get through this and you are stronger than you think. I know that doesn’t bring much comfort or change the situation but I was at my lowest point in those weeks but you just need to take each day as it comes, don’t think too far ahead. X