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Coping with grief - grandad died of unsuspected bladder cancer. His last day is haunting me

apw1
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Hello, I am brand new to this group in hopes of some advice - 3 months ago, my grandad died of unsuspected bladder cancer. His story is far too long for me to explain now, but in his final weeks my whole family were with him as he approached end of life care and when he passed. I am a young teenager and this experience has traumatised me - I am currently in college with tutors who are aware of my situation, but I am still really really struggling with it all, especially with the amount of coursework I have to do. Is there any advice that anyone could share about what I should do? I also have Crohn's disease and emotions are a massive trigger for me and I really am not helping myself but my grandad's last day is just haunting me.

Thanks.  

  • Hello apw1 and welcome to our forum.

    I'm  sorry for the pain you're going through after the loss of your grandad. Dealing with such a profound loss at a young age can be incredibly challenging. It's clear that you're facing a difficult time, and I want you to know that reaching out for support is a courageous step.

    Grieving is a unique journey for each individual, and it's important to allow yourself the time and space to heal. As you're trying to find your way of dealing with loss, there's a page on our website that's called coping with grief and I hope that it can help you a little until others have a change to reply to your post. 

    Remember, healing is a gradual process, and it's okay to seek help and take things one step at a time. Your well-being is important, and you don't have to go through this alone.

    Best wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi Apw1,

    A very warm welcome to our form. I am so sorry to hear of your grandad's passing and know just how hard this must have been for you. Facing a situation such as this, is heart breaking for anyone, but I expect that this was your first experience of the death of a loved one. As a result, it must have been particularly traumatic.

    Some people pass peacefully, while others can be quite agitated before they pass. I have been with both, but I have found it hard to eradicate the memories for quite some time after the event. That last day is your over riding thought, every time you think of your grandad. This will change with time, but as our moderator, Renata said, "healing is a gradual process". We all come to terms with it in our own time. Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel?

    Although your tutors are aware of your situation, it sounds to me as if you would benefit from having a chat with a cancer counsellor. Do you have a Maggie's Centre near you? They offer free counselling to people with cancer and their families.  You will eventually begin to recall happier times, that you have spent together. Try to keep his memory alive, by speaking about him with your family. 

    It is important that you don't let your college studies fall behind, because of this - I'm sure that this is the last thing that your grandad would have wanted. Try to put your all into being the very best that you can be and make him proud. If you can manage to do this, I'm sure that he will be watching over you with a smile on his face.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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