My dad

I don’t even know were to start my dad is getting worse I know he hasn’t got long left and there is nothing I can do.

He weak sleeping all the time not eating barely drinking and he lost so much weight 

every time I see him I want to scoop him up and cuddle him my dad is a proud man stubborn and doesn’t take any crap but at the moment he’s just so weak and helpless and he’s never been like that.

it sounds daft but my dad has always been strong and always done everything like gardening getting dress going to toilet and walking around and now it’s like he is my dad but he not if that makes sense he like a shell of what he was.

i had to help my mam get him ready the other day for one of his appointments and I had to put another hole in his belt because he that skinny and he said to me I’m sorry for being a pain.

I replied with your my dad I would do anything for you and the the next day I went and he had a fall during the night my mam help him to the toilet and he Told her he would be ok and he fell smacking his cheek of the back of the toilet he can’t remembers but when I seen him I wanted to cry I didn’t i held it back I came home and cried. 
I lost my brother 13 years ago not to cancer but he drowned and I had to help my mam and dad through it my other brother fell into mental health and my sister well my sister had her issues and u was alone felt like I couldn’t break because my parents needed me and now I’m going to have to say goodbye to my dad and try and get through it for my mam sake and my children’s sake but I don’t know weather I can I know mentally I’m not strong enough I’m scared and all I want is to turn back time  and have my dad back to his self again I don’t know what to do 

  • I feel for you Kim. Sorry that your dad, you (and your family) are going through this. It’s not easy and the heartache doesn't seem to go. 
    But I don’t think you are giving yourself enough credit. You certainly sound very strong and have clearly been through a lot, supporting your mum and dad as well as your own family. It’s a lot to take on. It’s hard to go through the day without it being present at least once. There is no shame in admitting you are scared and reaching out for support. Sometimes just voicing your concerns can help to process it. I too wish I could turn back the clock or do something to make it all “normal” again. Learning to adjust and accept is hard to do. But try to just take each day as it comes. Anticipatory grief is hard to navigate but talking will always help, whether thats with your family, so you can process emotions together or to total strangers who can offer support or input I wish I had answers because I need them myself but sending you lots of love and strength. You are doing a great job x