Hi Jules,

This must be so hard for you. Do you think that your mum would be more comfortable and better cared for in a hospice? I am not a doctor, just someone who has faced death a few times, but it sounds as if your mum is nearing end of life. This is usually when people stop eating, drinking and sleep a lot more. Can you put something on her lips to make them less dry - even Vaseline would be better than nothing. You can also get lemon flavoured cotton buds to moisten the lips and freshen her mouth.

If you are not happy with the home, the big question is whether or not your mum is fit enough to move at this stage. It sounds as if you need to have a chat with her GP and see what s/he recommends. You will find it helpful to draw up a list of questions before you do this, as it's all too easy to forget something important, at the time. Don't be afraid to ask the awkward questions outright, as you really need to know where you stand to move forward with this.

I sincerely hope that you manage to find a better solution and that your mum can end her final days in peace.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

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Thank you so much for your reply, it really does mean a lot to me and also helps me with further things I need to do with mum

take care, Jules 

Amazingly mum has now been picked up by continuing health care and being moved to a nursing home for her final journey…, thank you so much for your support xxx

Hi Jules,

Thank you for your update. I am delighted to hear that you have managed to find a nursing home for your mum.  I sincerely hope that she will get the care and attention that she needs here, to enable her to pass peacefully. I hope that the home is not too far away from you, so that you can still manage to visit regularly. Has she been moved yet, and is she eating and drinking anything?

How are you coping? Please remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi,jolamine, thanks for continuing to reach out to me, mum hasn’t been moved yet, hopefully this week. 

Mum isn’t eating at all, just ice cream, and very little water… TBH I’m really angry at the care home for thinking that everything is ok with mum.

im hoping that she makes the move as she is so dreadfully thin/ poorly.

i will update you soon, Julia xx

HI Julia,

It sounds as if your mum is in a care home, as opposed to a nursing home. Some care home also have a nursing home section, but not all. Care in Care homes is provided by Care Assistants and they help elderly people to live as independent a life as possible, with a little help when needed. They do not have the properly   trained staff, or the facilities, to care for someone who is seriously ill. Nursing homes always have  Registered Nurses on the premises, who are assisted by Care Assistants. They offer medical care and supervision 24/7 and are much more suitable for someone in your mum's position. You should notice a difference when they move her.

I do hope that she makes the move, as it sounds like she is quite poorly. It is good to hear that she is managing some ice cream. Have you tried her with any of the build-up drinks? These are designed to keep her calorie uptake up, if she isn't eating much. These can be provided on prescription for her. Eating and drinking less do tend to occur at end-of-life.

Please keep me updated and I do hope that she makes it to the nursing home.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, mum spread her wings this morning and flew to my wonderful dad… no more suffering and at peace at last xx

Hi Julia,

I am so very sorry to hear this. Do I take it that your mum never made it to the nursing home? One consolation is that she is where she wanted to be, united with your dad. Like you, I am glad that she is  and no longer suffering and is at peace. This is how I felt when my mum passed too.

I hope that you have some support to set her affairs in order. This will keep you busy for some time. I am sure that you will miss her greatly. I found it helpful to have a photo of my mum in a prominent place after she died. Strange as it may seem, I found some solace in talking to her as I passed. This may sound daft, but it really helped. Perhaps you might find this worth a try?

I am thinking of you and I am always here if you want to talk.

With my sincere sympathy to you and your family,

Jolamine xx