Cancer Research UK main site

My boss couldn’t care less about me or my mum who is ill with cancer

littlejenjen95
Offline

Hello everyone 

I’m new here so I hope it’s ok to post this. My mum was diagnosed with a glioblastoma a few months ago and I’m absolutely devastated. she is getting treatment. She had surgery to remove some of the tumour and has had radiotherapy and now on her sixth round of chemotherapy.

The thing is, I’ve told my bosses about what’s going on and they could not have been more unsupportive if they tried. They never talk to me or my coworkers at the best of times and not ONCE have they ever asked how she is doing or how I am doing. Whenever I try and take time off they tell me they are struggling to cover my shifts and show absolutely no sympathy for what is already a very distressing situation for me and my family. I’ve been made to feel guilty for taking time off when I have a valid reason. I want to make memories and spend as much time as I can with my mum.

Has anyone else felt this distressed and lonely? I can’t believe how heartless the management are. They really don’t care about my mums illness or supporting me. I’m a hard worker who always goes above and beyond for them and never even get so much as a thank you. They make me feel terrible for trying to take a day off at short notice sometimes as a result of her scans, doctors appointments and treatment preventing us from booking anything too far in advance. One of the management has made a point to totally blank me because of me confronting them about their actions towards me. Is this kind of treatment acceptable for an employee who is struggling with a loved ones terminal diagnosis and has zilch support at work? PS I love my job, the people I work with and the amazing client base I have and don’t want to leave that. I just wish the management would be more caring to employees struggling with news like this.

Thank you everyone  <3️

  • Offline

    I can relate to this because when my dad was ill (Not cancer, aneurysm of the brain), the company i worked for made it as difficult as possible for me to even attend hospital visits even during hours I was not working. For example, one night I was going to visit my dad at 6pm, and the hospital was 45 mins away, and i normally finished work at 5pm. So more than enough time to get there. However, on 3 occasions, a manager would arrive at my desk and would tell me i had to work until 5.30 or maybe even later. They had never done that before, but for some bizarre reason, they began doing it during this period. They were a relatively new management team that had been put in place, and they obviously wanted their own staff in rather than the staff who had been hired during the previous lot. anyway, come the 3rd time, i said no. I was only willing to work my contracted shift. So, yeah, one of the managers approached my desk and binned my previous work and said i had no choice.

    Sorry for the language, but i just stood up and said **** it, and walked out. They shouted after me not to bother coming back if that was my attitude. Told them my family were more important, and I'd see them at a tribunal. Fast forward a few months and I took them to the cleaners. Hilariously, no one from the company turned up to the tribunal. That's how bad they were at hiding their constructive dismissals.

    That was over 20 years ago. But sometimes in life you have to make a choice that best suits you. Only you can decide if you're willing to say enough is enough. It's a bad state of affairs that these things even happen, but as you have found out, there are some awful employers out there. They expect it to be all one way traffic. You to stick your neck out for them, but won't ever return the favour should you need them to be.

  • Offline in reply to ProfBaw

    Thank you very much for your reply! I admire your strength in walking away. I have an amazing client base that I’d have to walk away from and start from scratch again but with the way things are at the moment I see that life is precious and family means far more. Thank you for your insight, I really appreciate that

  • Offline in reply to littlejenjen95

    No problem. But my job isn't your job, so your circumstances may differ greatly. I was still stay with my mum, so i had no mortgage, bills or kids to think about.

    What i will say, you do not want to be left with regrets, and is why i said only you can make the call. Those regrets gnaw away at you, and there's not a damn thing you can do to go back and change things after the event. Again, with my dad, i had fallen out with him (complicated family story) prior to his illness, and because he never came around again, I never got the chance to make amends. Even though i was the kid (not that i was because i was around 19), and he was the adult, i still have massive regrets. I've had to carry that for all those years.

    You have to think this through because jobs can be replaced, but the time you have left with terminally ill friends or family is set in stone. If you feel you're currently doing all you can and managing the juggling act, then i wouldn't change a thing, but if you feel you're missing out on time that you will later come to regret, then think about things carefully. Because like i said, you will simply never get that time back.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.