Dad is dying

Hi, all.

My name is Heather and I am 16. I am reaching out in hopes that someone can help just to read this as I am going through a lot and would like to get some things off of my chest. My dad has stage 4 cancer and has since 2018. As of the last two weeks he has been getting so bad, he has developed jaundice, he is ill, obviously, and everything in my life seems to be falling apart. I just feel so lost and I really don’t know what to do as I am sitting PPEs and GCSEs soon and my school contacted the exam board multiple times and they didn’t answer, as well as the fact that nowhere is helping at all, GP, NHS, social services, privately, and school are doing the bare minimum. My dad’s cancer is currently right now destroying his liver and he keeps saying things that just don’t make sense and it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. Just sitting and laying with him telling him that I love him because I don’t know if it will be the last time is so awful. I really don’t know why this is happening to him, to me, or to anyone at all. Not one being deserves to go through any of this at any age. I’m sorry, I just hope that I can talk to someone as all of this feels like it’s just going to get worse and everything is destroying me and my life. I just needed to tell someone or something or some platform about this because it feels like no one is listening. Social services called, spoke to me, said they would do something. Haven’t heard from them in months. My mum was worried about my dad the other day and called nurses and no one showed up. Is this real? Is this all really happening? I’m sorry. 

  • Hi Kitiqa,

    A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm so sorry to hear why you've joined us.

    Coping with cancer is hard at any stage, but it must be especially difficult for you, when so many important things are going on in your life at the moment. It sounds as if you are getting virtually no support, which is totally unacceptable. Sadly, there is no explanation for why this disease targets some people, yet leaves others unaffected - it never seems fair. It doesn't sound as if your mum is getting much support either. You should both be getting some support at this time. 

    Your school should be able to arrange counselling for you, but it doesn't sound as if they've been particularly helpful. There are a number of cancer charities dotted throughout the country. I don't know where you live, but Maggie's and Macmillan are 2 of the bigger ones. They have counsellors who you can talk to and their services are free of charge. There are also a number of smaller cancer support groups locally, which have different names -  The hospital should be able to tell you about these, as should your GP, or local library. It really does help to talk to someone with experience of cancer, about how you feel and how this is affecting your life. Do you have any family or friends who can support you?

    It sounds as if your dad is at home at the moment. Does he have any visits from carers or nurses? There are contingencies in place for this type of situation and it sounds as if you, as a family, should be getting them. I hope that your mum has highlighted the fact that the nurses never responded to her call to your dad's care team the other day.

    There is a forum called Rip Rap which is especially for young people from 12-16, who have a parent with cancer. You may find this helpful to talk to others of your age, who are also trying to cope with exams, etc at this time. (http//

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here, any time you want to talk.


    Jolamine xx