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Angry - mum's pretending everything is ok but only has a few months left to live

Kelly_K
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Hi , I don't know if I'm in the right bit as my mum hasn't passed away yet, she got diagnosed less than a year ago with  non Hodgkin's lymphoma.

We were told it was very treatable and curable, she was to get chemo and the specialist actually said "You'll see, it will disappear like snow in the sun" !!

Ffw 4 months and she got told after 6 chemo's the cancer had gotten resistant to the chemo and it was back, worse than before and there was nothing else they could do, other than "keep her comfortable ".

From one day to the next she stopped going out , started sleepin all the time etc, even though she was in good spirits, she just didn't have the energy.

She's 79, doing reasonably well at the moment but we've been told she's only got weeks to months tops to live.I live abroad ( Scotland, all my family are in Holland) and I'm also an addict, on a methadone script and using, which makes going over extra hard and stressful but the being so far a way, alone is the worst bit .

I find myself being extremely angry all the time, at everything and anything, myself , but also my mum!!!

I feel like a monster for being angry at her but she's *** me off for no reason in particular , she's pretty much pretending the whole thing isn't happening, she's not accepting the fact she's not got long left and she won't talk about it other than saying shes feeling ok.

Why am I so a angry?? At her especially?? Misdirected anger ? I feel terrible but I can't help it . I'm terrified of her not being here anymore, am I angry at her for leaving me ?? Even though it's hardly her fault!!!

Sorry for the rant, I'm struggling, lonely, angry, guilt ridden etc etc. Am going over to see her in a few days , hopefully that'll help because I won't feel so powerless being so far away from her and spend time with her .. 

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat Kelly_K although I'm very sorry to hear about your mum.

    Finding out a parent is dying is devastating news to receive and understandably, this is going to bring about a whole host of emotions, many of them completely overwhelming ones such as the anger you've mentioned in your post, so if you can, try not to be too hard on yourself for how you are feeling. 

    I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that a lot of our members have also experienced these feelings so they will really understand what you are going through at the moment and I'm sure it won't be long until some of them stop by to offer their support and advice.

    I really do hope seeing your mum and the rest of your family soon will help you feel less alone with all of this but if you still feel like you're struggling when you return, then do feel free to talk things through with one of our cancer nurses on 0808 800 4040. Their phone lines are open Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m and they'll do all they can to help.

    You can also seek out further information, support and advice from the cancer charity Maggies and Anxiety UK.

    We're thinking of you Kelly and sending all our strength your way at this very difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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