My dad is dying and I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I haven't processed my own feelings and I'm not sure I know how to do that.
He on the other hand is ready to tell all our family and friends who I know will want to check in with me and ask questions but I just want to bury my head in the sand a little longer. Can I do that? I don't want people to start treating me differently.
I'm pregnant with my second child which isn't helping my emotional state. This is also bringing back loosing my nana to cancer during my first pregnancy with totally devastated me.
I keep having little realisations such as my dad not being here when I have my second child and how I'm going to explain to my oldest (toddler) what is happening and where grandad has gone. It's slowly dawning on me. I'm going to become my mums main support when I still rely on and need her so much. My brother is going to loose all sence of himself and probably do some really stupid and possibly dangerous stuff. I'm not ready for it to happen. But I suppose no body ever is.
My husband is a supportive and loving partner but I just can't verbalise all the things rushing round my head. Is it normal to want to shut down like this? To pretend nothing is wrong while your busy at work all day and then be an emotional wreck at home ?
I can talk to my mum but I feel like she's the really victim here and she shouldn't be comforting me I should be comforting her. She feels the same as me doesn't want to discuss with anyone outside immediate family.
How do I work through this? How do I politely tell people I don't want to talk about it ? I feel like any mention of it will make me burst into tears or any act of kindness
Sorry for rambling