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Dying mum with brain tumour in hospital

rosiebar
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25/F

Turned to this forum as I am feeling very lonely, stressed and isolated even though I have friends and loved ones who are there for me but they just can't relate. 
 

my Mum who is 59 has been in hospital since February with a suspected stroke which we found out this week is actually a brain tumour which has spread and has about a month to live. It's been a massive shock and I have two siblings who are autistic so they often lean on me and I have to do a lot of the adult stuff which is completely draining at this point. 
 

She has pretty much been asleep for a week so it's not even like I can have a conversation with her but I saw her today and told her how much I loved her which brought me some comfort. She looked so peaceful but it's highly distressing to see her deteriorate so quickly. 
 

My Dad passed from cancer when I was 18 so I can't help but feel so angry at the world that I'm about to lose both parents by the time I'm 26. Just seeking some friendly words from others who understands this pain as I am struggling to cope. 
 

Jess x 

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    Hello Jess, 

    It sounds like you're going through such a difficult time and I'm so sorry you're having to suffer so. It sounds like you've already been through so much. I'm 27 and lost my Dad 3 weeks ago. I also had to do a lot of the adult stuff as I am a healthcare professional and I can completely understand about how mentally draining it can be. My dad also deteriorated very quickly towards the end which was so painful to watch too. 

    It sounds like on top of everything happening you're having to be so strong for your siblings. You mention having close loved ones; Is there any close relative who you in turn can lean on? Maybe an aunt or cousin? Or even a close friend or close friend of your mum's who you can talk to ? My mum was unwell herself when my Dad was very ill towards the end, and I found leaning on my aunt (my Dad's sister) a big comfort. 

    Even if you feel your mum is asleep most of the time (and it must be comforting knowing she is peaceful and not in pain) I really believe that they can hear us still, and so I can imagine having you there beside her is a big comfort to her. 

    I can completely understand how angry you must be feeling given that you have already lost your dad. I found that focusing on each day one day at a time did help a bit to cope at the time when my dad was declining. All I can say is that you have already gotten through such a tough time and loss and you will get through this too, even though it may not seem like it now.

    Sending you and your mum my very best wishes and I'll be saying a prayer too. 

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    Hi Jess

    I just read your message and wanted to say I am so sorry you're going through this.

    I am going through something similar at the moment and I know it's so hard. I also watched my mum deteriorate really quickly. One day I saw her and she was fine, now she's in hospital and can barely stay awake. It's hard to talk to anyone else about this, as most friends tell me to 'stay positive' and she 'might still get better', even though she's stage 4 and incredibly unwell. I didn't even understand how serious is was until people from the local hospice starting calling us to discuss palliative care options.

    This is all still new to me, so I wish I could offer some advice. All I can say is that I understand your pain. I'm also in my 20s and it just feels too soon and not fair doesn't it? I know we'll get through it though. You're welcome to message me if you need to talk, anytime.

    Beth x

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