So sorry for your loss, sending you love.

And yes your right it's just so hard and emotional seeing him like this too and my step mum arranging this and she is always talking about money etc really makes me mad thank you for your reply ️

Hello Pen,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. This will be so hard for you, although, as Quickfire says, most of us have anticipatory grief, as the disease progresses. Can I ask what age you are and is this your first experience of the death of a close family member?

How long have you known your boyfriend for and how well do other members of your family know him? It used to be the case that only direct family were seated in the front row, but protocols are not always adhered to so strictly nowadays. This is something for you to resolve with your family, but there will be time to arrange this after your Dad has gone. You will have plenty of time to decide between his passing and the funeral.

For now, make the most of every second you have with your Dad, let him know how much you love him. Don't leave anything left unsaid. Remember that even if he is unconscious, he can still hear.

Thinking of you and hoping that you can resolve this to your satisfaction.

We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello, 

I'm 33 and yes it is my mum had cancer twice and is now all clear but I'm really struggling with my dad. Me and my partner have been together for a year he met my dad just before he fell I'll and we saw them regularly and we both still do, I'm also pregnant so emotions are all over the place I have told dad but my step mum doesn't want me to mention it anymore to him either. I feel there is no reasoning with my step mum or sister about this situation tho but I have come to the terms now that he will be close by. 

I'm doing exactly that seeing him every opportunity he is deteriorating quick and so sad . I've stayed over and things and helped care for him too. It's been hard as even months before he got bad my step mum was telling me how she is going to redecorate the house and go on holidays etc I don't want to hear all this yet he is not dead and it grinds on me. 

Thank you for your lovely message  

Xxx

Sadly, I imagine steppy is doing her best to deal with this. On that thought you should discuss the problem starting with the fact that you understand that. In brutal terms, your steppy chose your Dad and planned a life with him, as you will do with yours. She will be feeling robbed of a life. Saying this every single reason you have loved your Dad and don't want to lose him still applies. Feeling animosity is going to halt your skills at dealing with this issue. I feel terribly sorry for you all round. Please try your hardest to accept some and negotiate for others. Your being at the funeral is more important than who you sit by.

I do hope you resolve at least some of this issue.

Take care sweetie....

HI Pen,

It's not as if you are a young teenager,with someone who you've only just met. I expect that your partner will be in your life for quite some time, if he is the father of your baby. Is there any ill feeling with your step mum about the pregnancy, or is she happy about it? If your step mum doesn't want him in the front seat, could you sit in the row behind her with your partner?

I am glad to hear that you are taking every opportunity to see your dad. It is always traumatic watching a loved one slowly fail in front of you and not to be able to help them. The first time is always the worst. I'm not surprised that your step mum's future plans are grating on you. It does seem rather insensitive to mention these at a time like this. There is nothing you can do to change these, so try to put them to the back of your mind for now and concentrate on your dad.

Try to take things one day at a time and make sure to look after yourself and the little one.

I am always here if you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I'm not sure dad has always wanted to be a grandad and my step mum was always a little jelous of our relationship tbh and how her grand daughter had to come 1st.

The thing is tho she is sitting with her son and his partner and daughter on left and me my sister and my dad's ex on the right at the front Soni don't see the harm in him sitting with me. 

It's so upsetting to watch some one you look up to become weak and not in control of him self. That's all I'm doing just taking time with my dad and taking in every minute.

Thank you means a lot for your time in replying 

Xxx

Hi Pen,

I'm sure that your dad appreciates the time that you're spending with him more than you'll ever know. As I said in my last reply, keep talking to him even if he becomes unresponsive, as chances are that he'll still hear you.

It soes seem rather unfair to have your step brother and his partner on one side and not to allow you to have your partner on the other. How many people does the pew seat? Many only seat 6, so maybe this is why. She would want to give your mum her place in the front row too. Still, as Skol has said, it is really more important to have you at the funeral, whoever you sit by. I'm glad to hear that you have come to the terms now that he will be close by. 

Thinking of you and wishing you the strength to see this through.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx