Thank you for your reply. Feel like world been turned upside down. Feel like a walking depression and it's effect my family too. Feel like stuck in this sad situation. Don't no how long my dad has left. Feel very alone.
Yes. My mother in law died nearly ten years ago, exactly, and I think about her every day. I was very close to her. The last month with her was bewildering and I can see myself standing in the snow outside the hospital not knowing what to do, night after night - it was a very cold and frosty /snowy winter. Life isn't normal again losing someone you love so much. Everything changes and I did not know how to live. Ten years seems like a long time sometimes, but when you lose someone you love so much, it always feels like yesterday or this morning. Do you have a friend you can talk to, to help you? You need to talk to someone, and for them to listen to you. That will help. Just to talk to them and tell them how you feel - not to listen to them tell you about a loss.
One friend said to me, after my own mum died, that in a little while the spirit of the person moves into your heart and you learn to live with them inside you. At the time, I did not want to hear any of that. You have to take it a little step at a time. I thought my sense of loss would never end when my mum died. I felt so bad for at least three months. Then another friend rang me and told me to get therapy as talking would help.
I find it's a good idea to make a lot of space for that and to talk to the person (on my own, each day) so you can keep them alive and tell them things. It's a way of grieving - it helps you to connect to your own feelings and loss and to remember how wonderful they were.
Right now, try to keep yourself anchored if you can, as this time is bewildering and it can go on for a long time. Sorry to not be more positive but this bit really hurts and it's a shock - a big, terrible shock.
Please try and take strength in the wonderful human being you are...your Dad will know you are there for him...which will be a comfort for him....and for you down the line x Sending you love xx
Thank you for replying Lisa. I will keep trying to pick myself up and get through this. Wish could change what's happening or stop it. But know there's nothing I can do. Just want to feel normal again and not sad all the time and crying. My 2 brothers both dealing with it differently. Eldest is been positive and the other is anger about the whole situation.
I kept the whole my Dad being ill and detearating for months not talking to anyone. Hoping as he was he would get himself right . Then the reality hit and gone downhill fast. Breaking down and crying all time .
Thank you for replying. Just want to feel normal again and normal seems unreachable at the moment and it's not good for my own family seeing me a wreck and crying. I've been crying for months. Felt like I've been grieving for months with each decline. Its torture and hurts .
I think that grief is different for everyone, and there are many books written about it and the stages of it that we all seem to go through.
As you are, with your dad, I was like you with the situation on my mum. My feelings of sadness didn't lift for months so I can't promise things will change. People said to me - you must feel so much better that she is no longer suffering, and things like that, but your feelings are your feelings and you have to cope with them in the way that is right for you.
I have concluded that each loss brings a new stage. Nothing for me has been normal since. You might feel you will never laugh again, and I think many people feel so sad with loss that they feel like that too. It took me at least 18 months to feel a bit better after my mum died.
It is very much a new stage you will enter but you may never feel it is 'normal' like it was. I am much older than you, and have come to the conclusion that each stage of life is very much that. That the bits I loved have gone and I want them back, and I want it to be like it was. I wish I knew why some people are so ill and taken away from us. We have to teach ourselves that the person has brought so much love to our life that we are fortunate to have received that love, and we are that love. And to celebrate it. I know my mum wouldn't have wanted me to feel pain that went on and on, but instead to pick myself up and be strong, and to talk about her and celebrate her. And to go on and do good things, as she was always doing for others. Your dad will be with you in your heart.
It's taken me a long while to come to terms with that, and probably everybody struggles with it. I am praying for you Penelope in this very difficult time.
