Dear Lost87 I can only imagine how difficult this Christmas is for you and your family. I lost my dad in 2013  and the pain is still very pain and unfortunately it never goes away but time makes it easier to cope with. Yes It is important to be strong for your children but you are only human and not a brick wall. Being vulnerable with your kids is part of parenting. Be honest and open with them but maybe seek some help from a charity like mind or something as well that. No one has the answers but having someone listen when you want to talk helps majoring with sadness and grief. Speak to friends family colleagues and even strangers who are willing to listen as this will give you a great release. Do as much as you can with your dad and cherish these moments with him get your video out and your camera. He may not feel up to doing everything but even if it is sitting in his presence may make you feel better. Girl cry when you want too and smile when you want to. Make these last moments count. And don't you worry about your kids. If they are at an age of understanding be honest with them kids are way more resilient that we think. Last but not least every kid knows a good parent, strength can also be found in grief and sadness. It's the strength that helps you carry on.   

Aw thank you. Today was so hard hes lost even more weight and his speach is different now too.  He loved his xmas presents  which im glad of.  Im going seeing him again for my birthday tomorrow. 

 I just took my self off today and cuddled the kids watching a film after xmas dinner. Im glad that no one fourced me to be happy and they gave me space. 

I find it hard to talk about sadness. Anger im fine with but something thats breaking my heart is impossible. 

Sounds silly but when ever im lost and need pointing in the right direction i ask passed away relatives to help me/guide me. 

I dont believe in a god but  i believe theres some sort of an after life what ever that may be.  I want the festivities to be over so i can stop pretending to be ok.  

Just want to take my tree down tidy up and try clear my mind

How old are you kids if you don't mind me asking. I would not prentend around the kids if they are old enough to understand. I haven't got children but I do have a 25 nieces and nephews and I have seen every scenario there is. Like I said kids are very resilient don't under estimate them. Give it few days then take it down if you feel like it. The tree and decor does not stop the kids from enjoying the festive season. Do not stop them from being happy or expressing happiness that's what will bring you through. Spend as much time as you can with your dad even if you want to see him everyday. He is your father you are allowed to do that he may be weak and may not always have strength to speak but you can just sit with him play him some old songs that he liked: and most importantly do not beat up yourself for feeling low or sad. You will get through this, one day at a time. I am recently diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer it has spread all through the lymph nodes I am due to start chemo on Friday. What a world wind my life has been over the last 2 months. I feel like no one around understands. So I came to this website because I was very low and literally in tears. Everyone around tells me how strong I am because I shut down around others and out in a brave face but when I am alone I am terrified and sad. But you need to find what makes you bare with it and if that is talking to relatives go has passed then that's you. I speak to my dad all the time he passed in 2013 but it's usually why why why ha ha. Make these moments count, cherish them you only have 1 dad. Laugh when you want too cry when you want too if someone ask are you ok and you're not just say no I'm not but I will be. Life is difficult as it is without us having to pretend we are always ok. One day at a time love. Just take one day at a time 

Dear Lost87

Im so sorry to read about your Dad. I'm in the same situation as my Dad received a diagnosis on 28th giving him 6-12 months. Deep down, I know this will be closer to 6 months as he's getting weaker by the day. He's only been Ill for 6 weeks but has already lost over 2 stone. He's a shadow of his former self. 
I'm utterly heartbroken and I cannot see how I will cope with this. I'm angry, sad, confused, upset and my 2 little boys adore him. I'm dreading telling them. I go back to work next week as well and I simply cannot face it. I almost want to quit to look after him given that 6 months is such a short time 

Dear Lost87,

I am so sorry to hear this. I am going through the exact same thing. We found out 4 weeks ago my dad only has a few months to live. He got told last August his pancreatic cancer had returned but this time it was incurable, as it's in his liver too. He had some palliative treatment, which has now stopped working. His lost so much weight and has become so frail.

 I am completely devastated, I also lost my Mum 2 1/2 years ago with lung cancer.

This Christmas has been so hard. Everyone is so happy and full of the festivities but all I wanted to do was hide until it was all over.