Dad just not getting it

My dad has just found out that without treatment. He has three months left with treatment. We can give him a little bit more time. He has lung cancer spread to his brain we found thus out last week. It's a aggressive form. I can't be sure because he's not really telling me much and this is the thing he's not telling me anything I'm having to find out through my mum there no longer together they're just there for the kids really every time I try to approach any kind of subject. He gets in this fit of anger just screams I am will be the one that has to plan everything I just I'm 27 I've never had to do this and I really like to know what he wants. The doctors have said that some people don't actually make it through the treatment he's having I just wanna get everything done so that we can enjoy time together without the worry of things not being organised. He keeps trying to tell me that he's gonna live for years. But I already know he's not. He won't even make it to a year and it's heartbreaking because I love my dad so much yet he changing he just keeps being really angry horrible to us,like we don't believe in him that he can't beat this but he really can't and it's horrible. He's in full denial. Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this.

  • Hi there, no you're not the only one going through this.  There have been a few headings lately saying that parents are in denial about their prognosis and trying to discuss their imminent death so they can sort things out.  I've been through this with my family and my husband who had terminal cancer, he would not discuss his death at all and wanted to live.  Its truly not being awkward it's just that if you're still alive then you don't want to accept your imminent death.  So he obviously gets angry because you're not respecting his wishes to not talk about it.  Just back off and things will settle down.  When he becomes worse then a palliative care team will assist you all, district nurses will help you and so will McMillan nurses.  You will not be left to deal with this on your own.  Talk to the McMillan nurses and ask for their advice about the things that need to be done and have a plan in place for when the end comes.  Take care, it's not an easy path ahead for any of you.  Best wishes, Carol 

  • Thank you so much carol for commenting, I am so sorry for your loss, it's lonely times like this it really helped, the problem is I'm his baby and I'm the oldest kid. I'm still his baby he just doesn't want to talk about and I do get that but I am a grown woman not a child anymore the family are saying he doesn't want me to loss him of course I don't but I just want to help him with all the important things, it's just be nice to have a plan maybe I'm being selfish i don't mean to be, but thank you again I not done one of this before but will make sure to use it in times of frustration I suppose is the word I'd use, like I'm not allowed to be emotional around him, and I am really good at pretending that he isn't ill but when I'm at home on my own or seen advert, it's just hits home again I'm losing my dad really hurts my children of autism and they are  not gonna cope well with the loss Luckily I've managed to make them a social story to explain to them that grandad has cancer and he's going through treatment at the moment we're not gonna be able to see him, it's going to be a hard road I know but hope I can stay strong for him,

     please also take care