I am so sorry Plum, my husband died 7 months ago and the loss is hard to bear but the loss of a beloved child is beyond my thoughts.  I don't know how  you will cope only you can find the strength to do so, others will be there for you but you will need more than words and commiserations.  My best friend lost her son aged 43 from an unexpected heart attack and she has never come to terms with the loss but she copes and keeps busy, she talks about him and we let her cry and sit quietly until she composes herself.  Just know that others care about you and what you are having to cope with.  Love and my thoughts are sent your way. Carol x 

I am so sorry you are in this situation

I lost my very best friend to cancer while we were still in school and the loss of someone very dear so horrible young is extremely painful

over half a century later I still cry and still feel a terrible mix of emotions

somehow life goes on 

i don't know how, it just does

but I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt a lot

it hurts, it really hurts

eventually you will find joy again, which will sit alongside the pain, but now when your heart is breaking and yet you have to be strong for your son, you want him not to feel your pain, how on earth do you get through that???

I have no advice because I never got to say goodbye to my friend (no mobiles or laptops back then, no visiting allowed and no one was honest enough to admit she was going to die) and that made it all the more difficult to bear

But I hear you, I hear your pain and am sending you my love, may you somehow find all the strength you need at this very difficult time 

Thank you for response I appreciate you taking the time out to reply 

It does rip your heart out trying to find the words to say trying to protect  my son  I don't want to see him going through this pain I keep asking why him he's done nothing to anyone it's not fair he's has 2 little kids 

We nearly lost him at 18 when he had to have his bowel removed  due to ulcerative collitus he's been through so much in life now this 

I pray to God every night but its done nothing I feel their is no god 

I also nearly lost a child (primary school age) who still has serious health issues – put on government shielding list – early twenties so younger than your son

children shouldn't have to suffer so

life can be incredibly unfair sometimes

have the doctors said how much time they think your son may have left?

is his pain being properly managed?

is he being given adequate palliative care?

don't feel you have to answer any of those questions, but look to the palliative team to give you support to make the most of the time you still have together

it's going to be very tough time for you, but you will find strength to get through this, your son will live on in your grandchildren, he has left you that most precious gift and when your son is no longer physically present he will still have a presence with you, tucked up in your heart, and you will speak of him with joy to your grandchildren and know that he made his mark on the world, and left so much love

my friend was sadly an only child who never became a woman

Awful news Plum. It doesn't get worse that that. Wishing you every strength in the world. x Harry

Thank you Harry appreciate your reply 

Hi there ...

Oh my, I think loosing a child is the crulest of all ... my 18 year old granddaughter lost her journey  to acute myeloid leukaemia two years ago next month ... she went through 9 months of chemo and radio and a stem cell transplant... loosing her hair too ... yet she managed a smile always ...

Her mum like you, broke her heart ... yet she found the strength to hold her hand till the end ... I still don't know how she managed it ... watching her every step of the way ... yet I know she cryed her heart out to my son who she said was her rock ... I so hope you have someone as your rock ..

She saw her into the world and had to see her loose to cancer ... I'm just saying your not alone ... and it's not fare .. cancer has no empathy ... and all I'd say is, find the strength every day .. leave nothing unsaid .. hold his hand.. and I'm sure your doing this anyway .. tell him how loved he is ..

We hold Jess in our hearts now, where she's safe and cancer can't hurt her any more .. we take her with us through life ... and hold on to the thought, one day we will see her again ... sending you a vertual hug  .. Chrissie x 

Thank you Chrissie

Hi

Sorry to hear this Plum, I lost my husband to oesophagus cancer 2 years ago aged 44, a bolt out the blue...think I have still not got over the shock of it all. Now raising our two girls alone. I have become very close to his Mum since he got sick, to be honest I feel she is the only one (adult at least) who has felt the loss of him like me...such a helpless feeling not being able to help them...I have to believe I will see him again someday and we have seen signs around he is still with us...but it's nowhere near the same.xx