Oh I am so very very sorry and sad to read your post this morning, I actually felt I needed to take a deep intake of breath because it took me back to my Mum and her passing. My Mum died of covid pneumonia and she had advanced incureable lung cancer, she passed away 11 weeks ago today. I hate Sundays because of this now. She actually passed just after midnight Monday morning but all I can remember of Sunday is her fading away in front of me, struggling to breath, her oxygen going down and down and her heart rate going rapidly up then down, it was traumatic and I am still replaying those images in my mind daily even now.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mum and she was so young too. I know how you are feeling right now and the utter disbelief, shock and almost numbness I'm sure. The first few weeks I felt like it was all surreal, its only now that the real reality is reaching me. I wish I could tell you the right words, I wish I could take away your pain or at least make you feel better but the truth is no words will really help at this stage, its too early but the support of others including us here will help a little because you will know you are not alone, we have and are walking the same path as you and we all understand your feelings and thinking.
My Mum was my best friend, my world and your Mum was your best friend and your daughter's too. It will be such a life change for you both. The way it happened so fast, without any real time to get your minds adjusted to the diagnosis, this will take some processing even after her passing because we tend to go over everything leading up to their passing, I'm still slowly processing it all now.
All I can say is you are at the very initial early stages of losing your Mum so please reach out to anyone and us here anytime if you need to talk, rant, share memories...anything. Talking helps. Cruse bereavement support are also there which you can refer yourself to but there is a waiting time after you have sent back forms, they have a freephone number for immediate counselling and an online chat facility. I contacted my GP for a telephone appointment, it helps them to know how your feeling and check in on you.
There is no easy path through bereavement, no fast forward, no short cuts, the pain we feel represents our love and missing that person. I find my grief comes in waves, I can be crying so much I feel I can't cope then I stop, I distract myself, go outside, sit in the garden, take the dog for a walk, talk to my partner and then I'm ok for a while although of course my Mum is in my mind permanently and then I'm broken again, it comes it goes like this. It helps to take it hour by hour, don't think too far ahead. I wish I could say something more to help you but I can't. All I know is please reach out to anyone to talk, because sharing what you feel is such an important part of coping with the awful heartbreaking pain you are feeling, it won't stop the pain but it just helps. I talk out loud to my Mum and have done since she passed, everything I want to say to her I do whether that is out loud or inside my mind I still have chats to her because thats what we did, we talked for hours every day.
You sound a lovely, caring, considerate person and your Mum must have been so proud of you. Remember this. Take good care of yourself and your daughter. Please keep in touch.
Hi Mandy, I am so sorry to hear of your Mum's passing, and she was so young too. I lost my mum to cancer 25 years ago, and just like with your mum, it was very quick.............from her diagnosis to her dying was 6 weeks. Like you, I was left reeling..........my whole world was turned upside down, and for months it didn't seem quite real........it was almost like it was happening to someone else. The mother/child bond is so strong that when we lose our mothers, it is like a part of us also dies. Unfortunately Mandy, there is nothing that anyone can say or do that will take your pain away, and there are no short cuts with grief..........it is a real baptism of fire. What I can tell you for sure though Mandy is that there does come a point when you reach a kind of acceptance.........you don't get over losing someone you love........you get through it somehow. You will learn to start enjoying life again, and yes, you will even feel happy again, but I am not going to lie to you Mandy.........the truth is, when we lose our mothers, it leaves a void in our hearts that no-one else can fill. You and your daughter will give each other the strength to get through this tragedy, it isn't ging to be easy...........but you will get there, I promise you. I know what you mean about feeling like an orphan. Not many years after my mum died, I also lost my dad, and even though me and my dad had not had a great relationship, the pain of having no parents made me feel so alone in the world. Also Mandy, please don't think that just because other folks might be going through worse things than you, that this means that you don't have the right to feel grief and pain........you have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you do. Your pain and your loss is every bit as valid as anyone else's. I wish you well, and please reach out to the folks on here whenever you need to, there are some very kind people on this forum, Violet, x
