My name is Anna, im 23. My beautiful mom Nataliya has been diagnosed with breast cancer again a little bit more than a year ago. She already had a battle with it 10 years ago, breast cancer stage 2, with mastectomy and she won. But then it came back with metastasis everywhere, bones, lungs, bowel, kidney. She was doing ok until 3 months ago. Suddenly all of her organs were starting to fail and she's been in the hospital ever since. I visited every weekend, i was unable to visit more often as i had a full time job. I was constantly on the phone with different doctors every single day, towards the end i was sorting all of her documents, will, enquiring about funerals and transferring a body back to our home land Ukraine. Everything was left to me as my relatives who live in England dont speak fluently English and my brother is in Ukraine. So i was literally "in charge" of everything. It slowly started to exhaust me more and more. I've been staying in the hospital since last saturday, leaving flat at 7am and coming back around 9-10pm and all this time i wouldn't sit i would just be helping her, lifting her, feeding her, staying the night so i could wake up in the night and give her water. But i realized that it all making me physically ill. I realize that im starting to lose my mind. Doctor came round today and said that she has from hours to days to live.yesterday I booked the ticket back to my town (i live 200miles away) and now i'm torn. I realize if i stay for these final moments/days and watch her die it will criple me for years if not my whole life. I feel so guilty for saying and even thinking that. I dont know whether i should think of myself now, since her favorite sister came here from Italy a few days ago and now she's staying here all day as well so I know she wouldn't be alone when this happens. I honestly feel like the most selfish and horrible person there is, but at the same time i know if i warch her die i will never recover from it. 
 

i'm not asking for advise i just felt like letting this out of my chest cos this is eating me alive.