End of Life Signs

Hello everyone,

My Father (65) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back in March of this year. The tumor was large, and his symptoms were already bad at this point and Dr indicated he may not have long. I must also mention he has Alzheimer's, which is why a lot of the symptoms didn't get picked up quickly (diagnosed July 2020) so it is hard to know if how he is behaving is cancer or dementia, or both! 

It's been 5 months since his cancer diagnosis and he is still with us and was largely stable during this time (just got a little slower, sleepier, etc), but in the past week, we have seen a sudden dip.

He is hardly eating/ drinking but we are trying our best, he is very agitated refusing meds, getting angry with us (he thinks we are poisoning him), and is generally being rude, and shouting at carers (which I know can be normal of dementia, but this has only come on very recently and has largely been easy going even with Alzheimer's). What was most alarming was his mobility has really slowed down, he struggles to walk (even with help), get into bed, shower, etc. We virtually had to carry him into the house from the garden the other day. He is sleeping a lot more but also not sleeping through the night and getting up a lot. 

It's very scary how quickly he has dipped, just two weeks ago I and my sister took him out for lunch and he didn't eat too much but was considerably better than he is today. 

What I want to know are these signs he is nearing the end? I know people would rather not know but I mentally want to prepare myself and my son (5) and younger sister (23).

It has been horrible watching him decline first with dementia, now with cancer and I really don't want to lose him. I'm petrified of living my life and making plans in case he suddenly dies but until a week ago, I honestly thought we had months left.

Any help would be so appreciated. 

 

 

  • Hello LouMoo, I have lost lots of friends and family to this disease, including my Mum who I nursed through it when she was dying from cancer, and all the signs do indicate that your Dad is near to the end of his life.  Of course, no-one can ever be exact about such things, but you have asked for the truth and I believe that folks who need to know if their loved ones are near to the end should be given the truth, painful as it is.  Loss of appetite, sleeping a lot, losing mobility......these are some of the signs that end-of-life is approaching.  I am so sorry, I truly am, Violet, xx

  • Hi Violet,

    Sorry you have had to experience so much of this in your life and thank you for your response.

    in your experience to Doctors usually tell you when the end is near? I'm scared it'll be quick and sudden out of nowhere and I won't be there at the end.

  • In my own personal experience LouMoo, I had to demand that my Mum's Oncologist told me the truth..........he kept going all round the houses, and in the end I just said to him, "just tell me......is my Mum going to die, and if so, how long has she got?"  and he replied, 'yes she is going to die and she has got about a week". 

    To say that I was knocked sideways would be the understatement of the century, but I needed to know the truth, and I had to be a bit forceful about it.  As it turned out, when I finally got the call that my Mum was near to the end (she was in hospital at this stage), I got there a few minutes too late.........sometimes LouMoo, with all the best intentions in the world, things don't go as we want them to.  This was my own personal experience, but maybe other folks had different experiences.  I would say LouMoo that perhaps you should ask the Doctor straight out like I did.  Good luck mate, and so sorry for what you are going through, Violet, xx