Dad has terminal cancer. How do you cope with this news?

Hi,

My 81 yr old dad has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has Mesothelioma which is caused by exposure to asbestos. Prognosis is not good. I am completely devastated. I feel absolute sorrow and sadness that I will lose my dad. I am 51 yrs old. But I am more worried about my mum. I fear this will break her. Does anyone have coping suggestions? It is very easy to constantly focus on the dread of losing a loved one and because the prognosis is terminal, there is a constant feeling of hopelessness. 

Thanks,

Ally

  • No advice but just wanted to say I am in the same situation with my dad. He was diagnosed 6 weeks ago and has just started chemo. He is 79 and a carer for mum. I totally understand your devastation x

  • Hello I'm so sorry to hear about your dad,I lost my mum and sister to cancer so I do understand,I had my elderly dad then to look after i moved in with him,they are stronger than you think,I took him out tried to keep him busy.I watched films with him and spoke about my mum and sister to him kept the memories alive.x

  • I'm so so sorry. I do know exactly what you are going through, my mum currently has a few days to a week left to live. All I can say is just spend as much time with him as possible, keep making memories x

    I did a little memory box as comfort. I did a mold of her thumb print in air dry clay, I've took a lock of her hair and in the hospice I got a lady in to do a hand mold of us holding hands. 
    take care, sending all my love and thoughts xxxx

  • I'm on the same boat. Our dad is 76 and the prognosis isn't good. It's a cliche but taking each day as it comes does help and focus on what you can control - for us we plan activities/trips together with dad, help him stay active and keep his nutrition up. 

  • I'm really really sorry. I'm...well.....remember us for what we were but please please celebrate our lives, don't mourn and don't look for answers why. Gosh I'm tired.....anyway, I read all the replies and they all give great advice. I like the memory box. You could design and build it with your dad or ask him what he would like in it and build/make it and that will help in so many ways. Lastly, choose with him a tree to plan in his name. For you it's a focus point and something to enjoy in the years to come. 

     

    Ally, I have asked my children and wife to carry on as normal but to involve me because I'm not dead yet. Involve him as normal. This is quality time so enjoy it.

     

    I have so much to say but I'm tired. Sorry, I have to sign off. I wish you well and enjoy and live in that continued celebration of life. 

  • Hi, I'm so sorry about what your going through, it's absolutely heartbreaking. My dad has just turned 84 and only has weeks left. It's so surreal and it's just a very cruel disease. I'm sending my love to you and all that are going through the same.

    Xx