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Partners cancer is incurable

Blazer16
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My partner was given the news around a month ago that he has bladder cancer , this came as a big shock to us but we were prepared to fight this head on and the chances of survival looked positive. We are days away from me giving birth to our son and yesterday we were called in to discuss his results and given the awful news that the cancer was one of the rarest forms and will (even after major surgery his about to have) return somewhere else in his body. I cannot imagine how scared my partner is , he is trying to hold it back to protect everyone around him but there is only so much one person can take. The past months have been difficult for us and in oh relationship we went through a really rough patch , it makes me sick to look back on wasted time we spent arguing , he is my world but I cannot hide how much I'm struggling to cope with it all In pregnancy. My partner is faced with tons of debt due to not being able to work and has debt collectors at his door , even the day after he was out of hospital. I cannot get my head around the thought of him not being here one day as I simply couldn't live without him. Please can someone advise how they dealt with the situation of knowing they were going to loose someone so close to them. 

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    That is awful. The only suggestions I can make are to think about the following. But of course these will not help with the emotional whirlwind you find yourself in.
    1) Are your partner's debts ring-fenced? Unscrupulous debt collectors may try to put pressure on you as well.
    2) Do you know your partner's prognosis (i.e does he have months or years?). If you would like to know, but your partner doesn't, he may agree to the doctors discussing his case with you alone.
    3) Make sure you get all the financial support you are entitled to. Citizens Advice could be useful here.
    Wishing you and your partner the very best. xx Harry

  • Offline in reply to Harry2

    My partner has been told he's dying , I had breast cancer 2013 , surgeries , chemo , radiotherapy , reconstruction. Thought yes here we go all behind us , went back to work then hit by my partners diagnosis of pancreatic cancer , he had a massive operation, chemo them news it was back , then had radiotherapy and more chemo , they told me ( not him 12 months to live) , I never told him that !! We are over 3 years down the line from then and now unwell but they got it wrong thet don't know it all , attitude counts , hope counts , keep going xxxx

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    Hi Blazer,

    I'm so sorry you're going through this at what should be a joyful time. Life throws us these curved balls but I hope I can help you to work through some issues which will make life easier. Firstly, in relation to debt. This can be sorted almost immediately, get him to pick up the phone to a debt charity like step change. They will go through his debts with him and contact those who are chasing on his behalf. It will all stop! I know I've been in that situation myself. Secondly, he will be entitled to disablement benefits so get a claim in for that. Those two things will hopefully give him some peace of mind from financial worries. You need some clarity about what lies ahead for him in terms of prognosis and treatment. You can do this, tomorrow isn't promised to anyone so it's important to cherish each day you have together and find some joy (I know that seems a rare prospect right now). People do find the strength in these situations but make sure you look after yourself. Good luck with the birth and welcoming a new life into your home. 

    Here if you need to talk. 

    Jane xx

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