My life feels like its beyond a mess.
I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 26 and he has stage 4 lung cancer.
This past year has been rough. We were meant to get married and ended up just having 7 months of chaos within our relationship. We have been together for 3 years but have been best friends for 8 years. That friendship has been what is holding us together. The relationship problems have been completely emotionally draining. And worse than that his cancer is getting worse. We are in an ok place right now in our relationship but his health seems to be declining. He says that the reason it's getting worse is because of the stress we have been going through together. I feel distraught. I feel like i can never do anything right. I want to be there for him and close to him but he has always been so self sufficient that he is almost declining the help. I don't know how I can help. I try my best but its hard watching someone you love the most be in pain and not know how to make it better.. I know I can't but i wish I could. I can't imagine losing him. Every time I think about it I cry instantly.. I feel like I'm finding it hard to accept what the reality of the situation is. I just can't imagine being without him.. and having to watch him die and not be able to do anything about it.
On top of all of this I have my own issues I'm trying to juggle, which is making my mental health just go in the bin.
I have ongoing issues with my mum and my dad is useless. My grandmother passed away recently and she was the only one in my family I could actually talk to. I have started my own business so that is beyond full on with clients. I have unpaid parking tickets coming out of my ears and debt collectors coming to my door.
It's all just too much for me to handle. And I have noone to talk to about it.. especially not someone who understands.
This not where I saw my life being at the age of 23
