Hi all, 

Hope you're all well and keeping safe. 

In October 2018 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I was treated with chemotherapy for six months and went into remission in late May 2019. 

I'm writing this for peace of mind, I suppose. I was never one to worry too much about health prior to my diagnosis; i.e, if I was a bit sniffly, I wouldn't think twice about it and I'd carry on with my day as normal, etc. But now my health anxiety is out of control. If I feel so much as an ache or pain anywhere, my thoughts spiral and I start convincing myself it's something to worry about. Must say, I don't think it helps at all that I've been isolating since the beginning of 2019. I had to defer my Uni studies and have not been able to work, so I've been at home this whole time with nothing to distract me for long. 

Last week while in the shower I felt a lymph node on the left side of my neck. This is where the glands were swollen when I had Lymphoma. I have a strained relationship with this side of my neck now (as weird as that may sound), since it's where I discovered the swollen nodes the first time and it's where I had my biopsy. Despite the fact my biopsy was back in October 2018, my left side still feels more stiff -- I'm not sure if it's taking a while to heal or if that's because I'm not as relaxed on that side as I am with my right, so perhaps I hold or position it differently? Anyone experienced something similar following a biopsy or surgical procedure who'd know more about this? 

Anyway, I'm terrified of touching it or it being touched in case I or someone feels something out of the ordinary again. But since I showered and felt a node last week, it's all I can think about. Two days ago I saw a Doctor. He gave me a physical examination and said that in any other context he wouldn't be overly worried -- but given my history, I'm being referred to see my consultant in hospital and then, very likely, for an ultrasound scan. It's worth noting I'm not feeling 100% right now - feel like I've got a head cold which may be what's causing the swollen nodes, however fear has a horrible habit of overpowering any rational thoughts. 

I fully understand and appreciate it's better to be safe than sorry. I'm grateful to be so well-looked after by my GP. But the stress, sadness and paranoia this is causing me is off the charts. Is anyone here in the same boat or has been before? I am lucky I'm surrounded by my incredible friends and family who are always supportive, but I feel very alone and scared.

Thank you,

Cat