Hi everyone. Been reading others' experiences on here the last few days, and thought it might be cathartic to write my own.

I've been through treatment and full remission twice now, starting aged 17 with a cardiac sarcoma - which recurred just under 3 years ago. Had all the treatment again, chemotherapy, surgery, radiotherapy and thankfully came out the other side both times in full remission.

Last week I discovered a lump on my right thigh, and my oncologist was able to get me in for an urgent ultrasound - for which I got the result today, just over a week since I found the lump. They're fairly certain it's sarcoma again, and not long after the phone call I found another lump on my lower back. I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of facing treatment for a third time, and especially at not knowing the full extent of the sarcoma. Is it just in my leg, or is it in my back too? And what about the original site? I'm so scared of not having the luck I've had with previous rounds of treatment. There's so much I want to do in life (see the world etc) which I've been desperate to do during lockdown, and I hate the idea of my parents watching me go through this again.

I've got an MRI on my leg tomorrow, followed by a PET in 2 days time. My oncologist plans on discussing the results by the end of the week with the multidisciplinary team, and I'm so worried about what the PET will uncover. I'm holding on to the hope that they'll offer surgery to remove the recurrence soon.

I just wanted to ask if anyone has ways of coping with this awful dread of what will come next, and holding on to the hope that it can be treated. I'm sure the hope got me through the last two rounds of treatment, and I need it again more than ever.