How do you all cope with seeing the same face every single time you say the word cancer? Also how do you all deal with people treating you as if you're made of glass? I know it's love. I want to know how to deal with it without getting upset.
What you describe is, I'm sure, something that many others here will be able to relate to. As you mention, it is only people's attempts to show that they care - they often won't know how else to be or act, but I understand it is difficult.
This is where speaking to others who may be less close to you but may have more similar experience can help. This could include at local support groups (for example those provided by Maggie's), as well as appropriate online groups such as this forum.
I hope that you find this forum to be a supportive and safe space for you to write things down and to reach out to others. Hopefully you'll get some more replies to your post here soon. You can also browse or search the forum (using the bar at the top of the page) to find other relevant discussions and people to connect with, if you'd like to.
We are always here for support whenever you may need it. Wishing you all the best,
The reaction of well-meaning family and friends is something which many of us find frustrating. I had 2 bouts of breast cancer 15 years ago. Initially, I was absolutely terrified and feared the worst. I had lost my Mum to secondary breast cancer 13 years previously and had just lost my best friend to bowel cancer. My Mum had primary breast cancer for 12 years, before this and had a hard time with treatment and the after-effects. The reassurances of my loved ones that everything would be fine really riled me - how did they know this? Because of the way that I was dealing with my diagnosis, everyone was very sympathetic. Although I appreciated that this came from a place of love, I hated it and found myself fighting against it.
Six months after my lumpectomy, I was diagnosed with pre-cancer in my other breast, then 12 months after, I was diagnosed with another primary in the original breast. This time I had a double mastectomy. By now, I had spoken to a number of people who had cancer and I found that those who had a more optimistic outlook, were treated more as they had always been. People were more likely to ask questions, knowing that they wouldn't get a doom and gloom tirade, about all that had been going on and they were more likely to listen to an abridged version, instead of turning off. I adopted this approach and found it so much easier to cope with friends and relatives. It is never too late to change the way you accept and deal with your diagnosis. You will find that speaking to others who have been through the same experience very helpful. I see that our moderator, Ben, has mentioned local support groups and it is well worth attending these.
After you come to terms with your diagnosis and have had surgery and treatment, you realise that you are a stronger person than you initially thought. Projecting this "new you" will show others, that you can cope with both good news and bad and are able to face the reality of where you are in your journey and they will hopefully, stop sugar-coating things.
I should say that this is just my experience. I hope that you find a solution too.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.
