Hi Suzie,

I just read your post and although I can't offer anything constructive to help, I wanted to send you a virtual hug! My you have been through a lot, my heart goes out to you. My instinct would be to ask for help from your family although I'm not sure if that's possible? I haven't been through chemo so can't comment on how you may cope but I'm sure having a warm, quiet place to rest would be a huge benefit.

Sending you my very best wishes, I hope you're soon on the mend. 

Jane x

Hi Suzey

You should give yourself a huge pat on the back for getting through what can be a very difficult time of year.  

I started my chemo last Thursday and my 2nd session is this Friday.  Try to relax and float above the experience.  I read on here that a lady called chemo 'love juice' and I think this is a very good way of looking at it - the chemo will help you.  I haven't had any side effects at all and I was a nervous wreck before starting the chemo. 

We are all here for you and if you want a chat, please message me. 

Sending you so much love, strength and best wishes 

Sueby

Hi Jane thank you for the virtual hug I needed it today. I didn't really want to reach out to my family to worry them. My mum is old now and very worried at the moment and so is my brother. Hey have offered to come and see me etc but hat would mean and staying in a hotel as my accommodation isn't fit for them to stay over. But I didn't want them going through the hassle and spending all the money. I think the unknown is terrifying me as I know what to expect because the drs and nurses tell you that everyone is different and you may fine but what if I'm not. That is the terrifying part. Still trying to take it day by day as best as I can. Thank you for taking the time to respond and thanks for the hug :)

Hi Sueby thank you for responding. It's nice to hear that you haven't had any side effects. Since I have been diagnosed i have been ok -ish. Tomorrow I have the picc line put in. I am due to go into work im the morning and I don't think I am up to it. I have managed to put  on a brace face so far to my colleagues but felt really low today and not sure if it's a good idea as I don't want to be emotional at work.  But I'll see how I feel in the morning. As the appt date gets closer I am feeling more and more terrified but I am trying to take it one day at a time. Can I ask if you are using a cold cap. That's is another thing that terrifies me lol 

Hi Suzey

I had planned to use the cold cap but at the last minute I decided against after a chemo nurse (rightly or wrongly) told me they didn't really work anyway.  I haven't lost any hair but have only had one chemo trreatment.  I will shave my head if it starts to fall out and I got a lovely set of turbans from ebay! I have decided to follow Sarah Beeney's example and be proud of showing off my shaved head when it happens; it's nothing to be ashamed of after all, it shows we are warriors. 

Don't go in to work if you don't feel up to it - you need to put your own needs (physical and emotional) first.  Do you have a demanding job? 

I was honestly sick with nerves, panic attacks and anxiety before my first chemo so please don't think that your feelings are unusual. 

Sueby xx

I am a phamacy technician in a mental health hospital and I manage the dispensary and a few staff. It can be very stressful at times and with the nhs work politics can be very draining  but I am normally a tell it like it is person but since my diagnosis people said that I have become withdrawn and not myself as I haven't told everyone at work only a small handful. Work seems to be a healthy distraction for me. Someone always has something interesting going on in their life that seems to make me forget about mine. But sometimes you get the question are you ok or how are you and it makes me very emotional because I just want to be honest and say I am not but don't want everyone gossiping about my diagnosis at work as soke colleagues can be very petty. I have read up about cold  cap  it seems like it may reduce the amount of hair loss but I think hair loss is enevitable. I am petrified tbh as a black woman i have spent the last 10 yrs really looking after my hair only using natural ingriendents etc but since my diasgnosis it seems like my hair is falling out already maybe my mind is playing tricks on me but it seems like my hair loss has started already. I did mention it to the nurses and they said it's not possible as haven't started the chemo yet. I will try the cold cap for the first session but when I visited the chemo ward last week no one used it they all said that they eithe couldn't be asked or found it very uncomfortable. I am so neverous I can't even explain it to you. Have you Carried on working ? 

Yes I am so happy to find someone experiencing what I'm  going through as I don't feel other people can really understand how I feel and I am too embarrassed  to show them that I am scared. All I can say is thank you xx

Please ask me anything.  There is a private messaging thing on here if you want to chat privately?  

I felt absolutely terrible before my first chemo last week. I was desperate and even considered not going ahead with the treatment.  I bought an online course and it is amazing - it's really calming me down. I honestly didn't think I could go through with the chemo but I did and I'm here to tell the tale! 

xx

Sue I am currently at that point of cancelling the whole thing but I am desperately trying to be strong but it's hard. Today I woke up with a sore throat achy bones and literally had a panic attack and burst out crying to myself for quite sometim. Just thinking why why why. But as the day went by I felt a little better. I think I have been coping by blocking it out but I really need to read some of the stuff the hospital gave me and I started today. Still overwhelming but happy I am not alone. Thank you again Sue