T16d4wn

Hi just read your post about your Grandad ,and how you feel you are not coping,with his cancer diognosees, and your worried that you won't cope at all if he passes. 

Grief is a very difficult thing,it's so complex and everyone's experience of it is unique to them. 

It's never any easy time,ecspecialy if you've never had to deal  with it before. No one can prepare you for it,or the way it makes you feel.  

But the first thing I can say to you,is well done for being brave and posting on here about the way your feeling, that in itself tells me no matter how hard this is,you are braver and stronger than you realise, and yes it will be devasting and your grief will be hard to get through,but you will. 

People say time is a healer, it is in a sort of way, but it grief is a thing you learn to live with, ive experienced terrible grief,in 1995 I sat and held my father's hand as he passed,it was so hard,and I felt so scared for him,I asked the nurse if he would feel any pain as he took his last breath,but she assured me he wouldn't,and told me to keep talking to him as the last  thing to shut down from his body before he was about to pass was his hearing. So I just kept telling him I loved him,and it was ok for him to pass,as I knew I'd see him again when it was my time to pass. Then in 1997 my husband commited suicide,I found him .And yes I again was devastated, but I had my children to think about,and I told myself you can either sink into a pool of sadness ,or you can swim against it. And I chose to swim. It took a long time before I was able to look back at all the happy times I had had ,with my dad and my husband, and told myself I was lucky to have had them in my life.  For a long while I'd push some memories to the back of my mind, ecspecialy in the early days ,as it would set me off crying,and hurt my throat and chest,and I felt as if I couldn't breath. So I kept pushing memories into the back 0f my mind,I'd push them into virtual   Box and shut the lid on them everytime that  they surfaced in my mind ,untill I gradually was strong enough to actualy remember good times and smile.  When my husband commited suicide I really didn't think I'd last a day,yet alone all these years ,but I have,and yes it wasn't easy,but im sure you will find in tine your own way of coping with everything.  But you've taken the first step,by reaching out on here,talking about worries and grief helps,. Your relationship with your Grandad sounds a vety special one,so I know its difficult, but you are very lucky to have found that special bond with yourGrandad .  Death can never break that bond  ,I do believe that the spirit lives on,and that there is life after death.But that's not to say that everyone believes this, but I do.

Always  on here  from time to time so if you need to chat I'm here,plus I'm sure there will be others to reach out to you and offer some help and words of comfort ,and  you my lovely, don't beat yourself up for thinking or  feeling like you do,its only natural to feel.this way,many have ,and many will. And yes it takes time ,but everyone gets through it eventually, in what ever way is right for them.