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I’m devastated

AlexB21
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I've just lost my Dad very suddenly, he was caring for his wife who has small cell lung cancer and pleural effusion. She was diagnosed in May this year and is having chemotherapy treatment in the form of tablets. 
My dad had copd and atrial fibrillation. He was admitted to hospital with a suspected chest infection put on steroids and antibiotics. They found a blood clot on his lung they did a ct scan and told him he had lung cancer and needed further scans to determine the type of cancer and treatment. But after he saw the consultant he developed severe pain in his kidneys and was admitted back in to hospital they told us he had a kidney aneurysm and needed an operation, which they did. He was then placed in Intensive care and they tried to start kidney dialysis. Within a few hours of the operation that evening his blood pressure was dropping which they couldn't stop even with medication. So they removed the dialysis machines and gave him morphine. By the time I reached the hospital two hours away from my home he was heavily sedated and they said they couldn't do anything for him he died right there in front of me an hour and a half after I arrived and just stopped breathing. I was left in the room with him alongside his ill cancer stricken wife and we still have no explanation for his death. His funeral was yesterday. I am now facing another loss, his wife. They were married 36 years. 
My Dad was not expected to die I was thinking about all the ways I could help him for after his wife dies and offering him reassurance. Its been such a huge shock to lose him first and not knowing he was so unwell himself. 
He never got to have the further scans as he was only diagnosed with lung cancer a week before he died. So so many unanswered questions
On top of this I lost my boyfriend who was also my best friend to lung cancer suddenly within a couple of months two and I half years ago he was abroad at the time and I never got to see him or say goodbye he was in Australia I'd only just started to accept his death just a few months before my Dad died. It's brought back so much pain and sadness 

Honestly don't know how to carry on  

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    Hi Alex, 

    I read your post and just had to reply. I am so so sorry for your loss and what you're going through. Speaking from personal raw emotion, nothing anyone can say will make the pain any better right now- just know you are not alone. I lost my dad very suddenly to lung cancer (a chest infection as a result of the initial investigation, blood clot on the lung etc similarly to your situation) and it's just utterly flawed me. We were so so close. It was 8 weeks ago and it feels like yesterday. I went from having a dad who had a saw HIP (nothing to do with his lungs) - that's ALL we knew- to him dying a week later and then being told he had cancer that had spread everywhere. My thoughts are 100% with you. 
     

    You'll have to be strong for your mum now and honestly I think you deserve a medal for dealing with it all. We just have to take what life throws at us, and it's no wonder with all you're dealing with that you're having thoughts of not knowing how to go on!! You're doing amazingly just coping in ANY way with it. 

    Always here if you want to DM and chat. I can try to support you as I know - atleast in regards to your dad - how you feel.

    Sending you strength,

    Hannah

  • Offline in reply to HannahW17

    Hi first of all thank you for reading my post and replying. You are so kind and seems like you can relate a lot to the loss of my Dad and how painful it is. We too were very close and it was so unexpected and flipped my whole world upside down. Feeling like I've been robbed not once but twice of two of the kindest most loyal and loving men I've ever known. 
    After the initial shock of his passing and crying and talking for a couple of weeks, Ive been busy trying to get him home from the hospital to the funeral directors and organising things for the funeral I was coping differently. Now I'm just broken and hurting like it can't possibly be true. 
    I have to keep reminding myself to take it slow, not expect too much of myself and not panic about the future.

    Im truly sorry for your loss and wish you peace and that your memories stay with you always. 
    Here for you too  


     

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