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My dad is deteriorating quickly. (Physically)

Cockerpoomum
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My dad is just 67 and has secondary cancer.  Started off as bowel and is now in his lungs. 
 

he started his first lot of chemo March 2020,  which contained it for a while but earlier this year it was confirmed the tumours were growing.  he's had a couple of different chemotherapy treatments this year but the consultant has said it's not working.  
 

he was admitted into hospital 3 weeks ago with sepsis, is now come home on oxygen as his sats were low without it but he isn't really managing to get around.  We installed a stair lift Monday to try and make life a little easier but last night his legs just decided to give up and he's now in bed unable to get around.  We had the hospice team come to assess this morning.  Mentally he's still got a lot of fight left in him but physically he's struggling. Mainly the breathlessness but now the legs have given up.  He's muscles have just wasted away.  
 

has anyone experienced this?   In my dads head he just want to get his legs working again and carry on.  I can't help but think this is a progression of the cancer? 
 

im not even sure why I'm posting really, I know  I am struggling massively though,  and I know I'm not alone.  Accepting he's not going to get any better is really hard.  How do you accept that someone you love and look up to so much  is dying? 
 

im hoping I'm going to wake up from a really bad dream.  I just want my dad to be better so we can create lots more memories 
 

 

 

 

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    Hi, Cockerpoomum. I'm so sorry to read what you and your family are going through. I do know exactly what you mean. My Dad, who is older than yours was a fit, strong and actually a slightly overweight man a year ago.

    Today we've been told he has only a few months left and that he basically won't leave his bed again. He's lost so much weight and muscle that it's painful to see. But in his head he also thinks that if he can just strengthen his legs and get walking, he'll be fine.

    I wish I could offer some comfort. I can only say that you can surprise yourself with how much strength you can find to keep a smile on your face and be bright and chatty  when you're with him. Hope is keeping my Dad going and I'm going to do all I can to not kill that hope off, and I know you can do the same.

    im not for one moment saying your Dad will have the same outcome as mine, who has advanced liver cancer.

     I'm just saying that I would never have believed you if you'd told me I'd be able to be around my Dad without falling to pieces, knowing that I'm losing him. But it's all I can do for him now so that what's I do.

    A couple of weeks ago though, he was being offered physiotherapy at home to strengthen his legs. That's only changed in the past week because his disease is progressing and it's felt he won't get any stronger now. So maybe this could be an option for your Dad and maybe worth asking his GP about?

     

    Take care x

  • Offline in reply to Debs1010

    Thank you so much for your reply.  I'm sorry you are going through a similar experience.  Heartbreaking for you too.  Keeping strong is hard,  dad broke down this morning.... that done me in.  He's brighter this afternoon which is reassuring.  Just got to keep going with the positivity. It really is the only way. 
     

    Is your dad in a hospital bed at home?  We are looking at all options at the moment.  The occupational therapist rang Mum today to ask lots of questions so I really hope they can offer him some physiotherapy.    The pilgrims hospice did talk about maybe taking him in,  just to get his meds right, hopefully get him moving again.   

     

    will find out tomorrow some more.  
     

    take care too 

  • Offline in reply to Cockerpoomum

    Dad has been in hospital for the past few weeks. He was initially given a course of palliative treatment but unfortunately complications set in and put him in hospital so there are now no treatment options.

    He'll be discharged in a couple of days and will have a hospital bed and will be under the care of the local hospice, who have also said that if need be he may need to go there at some point to get pain meds at the right level.

    I'm glad to hear that physio may be an option for your Dad and that he's been a bit brighter this afternoon.

    All we can do is take it a day at a time. Wishing you strength x

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    Im so sorry to hear what you & your Dad are going through, My Dad also has bowel Cancer, He was admitted end of july with a tumour that had perforated,he had looked unwell for a long time, weight loss ect, but not seen a doctor!! He spent 13 weeks in Hospital & is now home ( after an iliostomy, No Chemo has been done as too weak... Hes home but like your Dad Muscle mass as gone & hes weak ?! Its awful to watch- im sorry for you, iv been told no Prognosis??! But fear the worst- Sending you Strenth xxx

  • Offline in reply to Cockerpoomum

    Im sorry to hear this , illness is hard all round & seeing someone you love deteriorate is gutting!! All we can do is support each other & our families..Hope you get him stable & Pain free- Thinking of you!! X

  • Offline in reply to Debs1010

    Sadly dad passed away in hospital on Monday.  

    im devastated,  never did I think this would happen so quickly. 

    we had arranged for him to go to the hospice on Saturday for symptom and pain management but en route to the hospice it was decided to take him to hospital as they felt he may have an infection.  We went to see him Sunday and he was struggling to breath even on the maximum oxygen support. He had his sense of humour right until the very end...  It was actually my Mums birthday Sunday and he had made it clear he did want to die on Sunday. 

    we had a call Monday morning to say dad was really poorly and anxious so went to see him.  I knew then that he wasn't going to pull through.   

    the CT scan he had the day before showed disease progression and also he had an infection. He passed away around 4.45 aged just 68.  

    I am numb.  

  • in reply to Cockerpoomum

    I'm so sorry about your dad Cockerpoomum and on behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat, I would like to offer you our deepest sympathies for your loss.

    I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your mum but our community are here for you and will do all they can to support you at this very challenging time.

    Sending all our strength and support your way Cockerpoomum.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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