Hi LucyLou,

I just came on the forum as was looking at a few things for Christmas and had those feelings that people here understand, trying to write this with tears I can't stop.That feeling when I can't grasp that I won't see my mum again, she passed away 3 years ago in September from blood cancer. I miss her so much, you're right , it is a struggle. Although each persons grief is different, I can understand a little of how you're feeling. I'm sorry for your loss, it's obvious from your post how close you were to your lovely dad. I am so sure your dad would have been proud of you for sharing your thoughts here and how brave you are, but even the bravest of people falter, no-one can be strong all of the time. I can tell from how you write that you are more than good enough for anything and anyone. You have the capacity for great love and compassion, those are true gifts. Many people. like me will read your post and you have helped by not making them feel so alone, that what they're feeling is ok. You have to be confident to bare your feelings to others. I know it can be easy to say but please don't be so hard on yourself, there is no time limit on grief and I promise you, there will be days when it won't be so much of a struggle. I believe my mum is looking down on me and our family so when I get so sad I can't bear it, I 'say' to mum, it's ok mum, I'm ok and smile, I want my mum to see me smiling not sad.

These words seem right- "The river of grief is deep and wide but happiness awaits you on the other side and the love of those around you, will take you there"

x