I am really sorry to hear of the abuse you have suffered because that's what it is - let down and abandoned by the very adults you should have been able to count on and then to know that your mother was trying to gain access to your son probably just to hurt you. No doubt like many of us estranged from parents, you will have often worried if it was your fault, if you were "bad" etc but you were just unfortunate to be used by not very emotionally mature parents and not only do you have to grieve all that, you also now have to grieve the loss of a parent and the shock of it all because you were estranged. I think you just need to take it day by day and focus on your son. You are entitled to feel however you want whether that's angry one minute, sad the next etc. It may help to write out how you feel. It may also help to say goodbye to your mum in your own way. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this but the old cliche is true. Time is a great healer and the shock will fade xx

Thank you