After approx 15 months, my dad passed away on Tuesday 5th October from lung cancer.

I cried with relief, borderline happiness when he passed away. Not in a menacing way, but in a loving, caring way. He really was suffering quite a bit in his last few weeks and his breathlessness was becoming quite laboured. He shared that he was ready to pass away several times in the week or 2 before he died that I genuinely was wishing his death would come for both his and our familys sake.

For the past 3 weeks since he passed, I've honestly been going about my day like I would before. This is partially because I am taking control of everything that happens after a death - arranging the funeral, registering the death, dealing with banks etc etc that I am preoccupied and feel like I am doing all of this for Dad. Dad is keeping me busy.

However, this week marked a milestone. I returned to work. The realisation that normality is resuming again has made me become acutely aware of the loss that I actually have. I used to call my dad before during and after work. I obviously can't do this anymore and so my grief is now starting to hit me.

For the first 3 weeks I genuinely was OK but all of a sudden my grief has changed. What else should I expect? Will it get worse before it gets better again?